Let's celebrate!

Happy Anniversary!

This is the 101 post! woohoo! After 2 years of 'hard work', now has come to a day that worth celebrating for.
Happy 101 Anniversary!

Anyone who tag this or leave any comment on this page will get yourself a big hug*.
*T&C apply.

Well, on top of this, today also another day to celebrate my sollowness. *Sob sob*

I wonder how can human be such selfish...
How could you ever neglect my feeling when it involves me, my soul, my body, my mind, my flesh?
When you claim that I am your partner, you should atleast consult/inform/buzz me or share with me your idea.
This is call partner. If not then why would you chose me as your partner? 

A partner is for sharing and doing things TOGETHER, IN PAIR!
You need not a partner when you are walking alone, doing things alone.
I feel disrecpectful, disgrace and dishonour. And this is hurting me badly! OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!

I am thankful for you for sharing with me the outcome, the final result and the happiness.
I feel good for hearing the good news from you and be part of the audience or one of your listener.
Since you have called me, your partner, I feel insulted. I am not too sure how to react when you shared with me your happiness. YES! of coz I am happy for you. But we didnt work together to get this happiness. Therefore, I ask myself, if I should be happy or proud for being your partner. NO!

Let's simplify it. I am not here just to share your happiness but to be a part you. From 1-10 that has my sweat, tears, hard work, screams, laughters, cheering, cursing and swearing. I dont want to hear about your happiness but laugh together with you along, to & from the start till the end of the journey. IF you call me your partner. IF you still do call me your partner! 

Yes, we were on our own way for awhile. We were disconneted and since you, again, claim that I am your partner, please help to act like one. I have no idea what is your 'partner' means. Do you mean only when you need me? Do you mean we are partner for certain things? Do you mean you can have other partner not just me alone? Tell me. Please make it clear.

This feels like a huge big tree trunk falls on my toe. It is painful and yet I dont know how to scream for help. Maybe I care about your feeling too much. But what about me? I am angry, I am sad, but do you think I can say it out? I am sure you will get upset later or even started to be defensive. I dont mean to hurt you or shut you off, I am just trying to work things better for both of us as a partner. Please try to understand my feeling coz I am one of the human too. 

I know those past hurt you alot and you need time to recover from that. But if you could just let go the pass and start looking forward to the future, it will be grateful for both of our lives. I mean, only when you think that is neccessary.

I am sorry that you might think I am a little too thick face. But to avoid misunderstanding, I hope we can make things clear. I do care about how you feel, if not I would have tell you off immediate during your sharing moment. i am sorry that i dont know how to beautify them in a nicer manner. But I do hope you take a few second to think about my feelings.

From 1 -7 you were all on your own, you inform me @ stage 8 then stage 9 then I see soon stage 10 which is also the final stage. From the process of 1-7, where were I? Did you call me? Did you think about me? I dont mean to be harsh but I just hope you give a little bit of thought to it. 

Anyway, I am glad and happy for you. But Im helpless for now. I cant laugh with you too.
But I sincerely hope you get my meaning. If not, pls ask. If you are not interested, nvm. Thanks for everything.

^Lovely^

孤单好吗

When there's not enough TLC...
Once a month...
CrampLah!!!


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My back PAIN like kena hit. Stomach CRAMP like hell. CrampLah.


.

当我们同在一起....叫永远

Sweeter than my lips
Loving than my name

Thank you for asking if i am okay. Yes. I am much better now.
Age matters. Every month i suffer more, IF i have a chance to be mother next time, i think i will ask for the injection. *ouch ouch ouch*

Thank you for being so concern and it really feel nice. *smile*

I am sorry that I cant read you fast and I am sorry to irritate you again. I shall not find any excuse to explain coz im always like this. Not once that i can be smarter. I know this is my weakness and i will try to make it better. *Sad* I aware I shall not talk to you about my problems when you just reach home with hot sweaty body. Am really sorry. *bow* forgive me, please!

I dont get what you mean by soon we or I will have fun. When I ask to explain simply I didnt get it and it was unclear the message. Well, I am sorry for being so stupid and slow. I guess this is why i irriate you so much. I feel bad and I really feel like crying. It hurts and it really hurt when you talk to me with harsh tone. *Wet eyes*

Since we hardly share about our work life, I shall not talk abt it so much. But I dont mind if you want to share with me about your work. I want to learn and I dont mind hearing them. It is part me getting closer to you. *Smile*

I am sorry that my work really bothers me alot. But dont worry, i will settle it myself and yes, i know what i want in my career but i doubt i can achieve it.

Anyway, this is a brand new year, the old chapters are now closed and done. Sun that rises to another day that is brighter than the last. I know I have to be positive and the changes and decisions that have made only there to help to make me stronger. Oh yes, just now i watch "Together" this show, I almost cry. Well, i think i learn something new last year. "Appreciate". I felt that, that is in my blood now. My eyes were wet during few touching moment in the show. I know I am abit too silly to cry. *Shy*.

I am glad that you enjoy your work and clear of what you have. Keep it up okay! No matter where you are, what you doing, enjoy every moment you have!

I have 365 days to play/work/do what I can to determine my next year 2011. Time gonna fly very fast this year and it makes me worry. Well, i live with what I can and within my strenght. I am still learning, learning to be smarter... *laugh out loud*.

Enjoy and continue to seek your dreams.

Be Happy!

^Lovely^

Kiss me at midnite

Hug me when there's storm.
Miss me when I am not around.
Love me so we can always be together.

Baby, i couldnt find any word to replace what's in my heart now.
*tears rolling in my eyes* I feel touched and I am speechless. I guess this is just like when you were young and you got bullied, your admirer was there to rescue you. Or just like when you first know what is love, your little finger touches hers and the spark just connect from yr finger to your heart and make your heart beat fast and your face blush. Or ..... arghhhhh... i dont know.. I jst cant find the word to tell.... *slap*

This is too sweet to describe and too hard to replace with words.. *love*

4th Jan 2010 9:00am
Last night wind keep howling then i work up looking if you were ok.
Always remembered that when got strong wind you scared...

This is more than jst touching.. This is more than love. This is more than word. This is more than a gift. This is more than ......... This is just.... so sweet. This feeling been staying deep inside my heart since the moment i received your sms, meaning which from 9am till now.. nv change. Still so loving and sweet.

Feel like the very first time fall in love!

I feel thankful for having you in my life.

Can I call you if there's strong wind tonite? Can I have you by my side when the strong wind comes again? Can you stay with me and dun go? Can you? Can I use your palm to cover my ears when the howling noise too loud? Can you hug me tighter by then? Can I sqeeze under your arm and sleep tonite? Can I have more of you? Can you pat pat me to sleep? Can I rub you until i fall asleep again? Can I? Can U?

Can you love me more each day x100 years?

*Lovely*

Love is a gift.

To love is to give. And Love is a gift.

3rd Jan 2010.

I met you again. It was so nice and it was a suprise that you wanna come down my area to see me.
Thank you dearest! You are such sweet one! *In love*

This 2 hours has drawn us closer. *cough cough* Not sure about you, but for me, it's definately a  YES YES. *Wink* Looking forward to have more and hoping to get closer to you each day.

I ask you about coming over for CNY. i was actually quite disappointed when you didnt have the intention to come. Well, up to you. My family members always welcome you and if you dont wish to come, that's ok. i know i say ok but i am actually not ok in my heart. Well, i will be fine later. Dont worry.

Just wanna tell you, i hope you can come and I hope we can stick together. If I dont mean anything to you or you are not ready or u dont see a future with me, i totally understand. Be happy k! *Cheers*

and I am not stressing you hor.. Please stop smoking if you can, sincerely!

Alrite.. it is bed time.

Tomoro gonna be a stressful day.

Love,

^Lovely^

Let it go

Life Changing

*Argh*... grouchy mood yesterday morning. Because i couldnt find EPF contact number. internet was !@#$ slow. then i throw tantrum on my mom. I am so so so sorry. I didnt mean to be that but i was just unahppy and disappointed with the services. I wanted to get things done and settle before i go back and I dont want to keep worrying about things here.

I guess I can never be dependent and expect people to help me to run errants. I give up. I will do myself.

Sorry about sharing and telling you about things and make you unhappy. Im really sorry. It will not happen anymore. It will only be happy things.

I feel like screaming and venting out my anger. Maybe because my aunty is coming soon. Sometimes I just want to be me. Sometimes I just want to give up on certain things totally. Sometimes I just want to walk away and disappear. Sometimes I feel like slapping my own face and ask myself to wake up. Sometimes I just hope people would change not only me. I try to be better but they take things for granted. I learn  what is priority and practise it. But i got more disappointment instead.

Well, forgive me for talking rubbish. This page is meant to be a venting page. I give up in expecting things from people. If you want to give, you share. In order for me to keep pushing and telling what I want, what we need and what should we have to make things better, just go ahead with what you think it is right.

I am not young anymore, I dont want to our waste time. I dont think this is the right thing to do and pro-long my pain. So forget about it and let's let it go. and i am not getting back what i have expected and you are not gainning anything but headaches.

Talking to Tippie and found we have grown up alot. And he realised I have changed. *WOW* this is what close friend can spot though we only call and meet once or twice in a year. Anyway, i dont used to share things directly with my partner. We both feel thankful for each other as good friend since we cant be gf/bf. *laugh* the reason was real stupid why we cant be one.

Anyway, he spotted a few things. We also shared how to make a r/s better and our partner feel more comfortable. It feels nice to be his gf only when the girl is not a blur-sotong. Everyone has their POV towards a certain statement. One thing he commented and makes me feel so proud is -my future husband will feel very happy to have me. *Laugh* He always think there are lots of flies and bees around me.

*Laugh* I think I know what a guy want from a girl to make his life easier (*cough* Not everything la. I am not god) and I know how to be more open. Of coz he is kind enough to help the gf to gain back her confidence and be more extrovert.

This believe is not only we know but those who take things seriously in r/s will trust this magic : If you want ppl to respect you, you must first respect ppl. If you want ppl to treat you good, you must first love others. This is a powderful way.

Well, I dare not to say my future husband or partner will feel proud of me, because he said it based on what he has seen and heard. But I will try to give the best and I hope in return he will treat me good too. That's what life all about.

But when we touched abt 'family trip or family visitation' I feel sad. I am not here to put blame coz i didnt do a good job, but i hope there shall not be any revenge in heart at the first place and i seek understanding for future respect. Oh well, dont worry. Things over and I am done with all unhappy things. I promise to improve, i will respect what decision has made and I will try to make it work. The rest not up to me to plan and decide and I shall let is go.

Thanks for spending so much time with me and thank god to have you to teach me what is love and relationship. And now im good to go.

Life still goes on and happy can edi... YES!!!

Alrite.. going to pack and time to go bek to the reality and no more fooling around.

^Lovely^

Journey to the North

The process &Progress

None would expect time flies this fast.

None would expect 1st Dec and 2nd Dec gone by like this.

My travel partner for this trip, *claps*

MCC - Min Chao Chao (direct translate - Face Black Black)

Always an emo kid. But he's good enough to spend time with me in travelling to places. I guess he's cursing and swearing for 5 hours journey.

Don't ask me if I bought 2 seats' tickets or 1. He is simply my priority during travelling. Unless LPP (his partner) around, then guess he wont mind to sqeeze in the bag for 5 hrs.

This is just a normal VIP bus. But I have to provide Super Duper First class VVIP service.

*nod* Yes Yes! He is my King - Jr.

*Laugh* Opps.. He even has the first priority to be in my hand bag. Yes! Dont be jealous!

" Okie my majesty! My bad to sqeeze you like a lemon.!"  

The sick slave!

2nd Dec

I finally can have my paddington pancake in One Utama.

"Oh Gosh! I miss it so much!!" *Warm*

Paddington Pancake, the man/waiter kept staring at me during the whole 1hour.

I wonder what's he up to.

The sause that's simply fantabulous!!! If you dont know how to eat, it might taste like 'Ah neh' smell to you. But after all, it's something nice to try. *Heart warming*. Just that mom say not worth for the price.

*Slurp* I'm going bek home to make! This weekend breakfast! Onz!!!

This year solution - Cook more and make more nice food.

Aint he cute? *Laugh* He is naughty but he is smart.

Tell you, he can play 'Cooking Mama' pretty well!! *Thumb Up*

My first ever branded bag! DKNY!

Ya i know, it cost RM699! I know, it doesnt come with fantastic pattern. Coz i like it simple.

I know the color is bright and not all dare to carry. Yes. I like it to be stunning.

I know it is big not lady-like at all. Yes Yes. This is so me! I like my bag big big.

 

First time in my entire life!

Spent RM700 with one swipe at one time on one bag.

Being a rich tai-tai not easy. Feeling like one is far different from what I thought.

I settled my first wish - get myself a nice bag.

A good start of the year! woohoo! *cheering!*

In conclusion,

When I saw this bag, i couldnt make up my mind. I was so dependent and i pick up my phone and call you. I was not very sure if you were stl sleeping or busy or wat. All i know was, call you and check with you if I should buy. I didnt mean to disturb you or be so childish. I just want your opinion and I was hopping i can mms you to show you all the bags in the shop. So when you tell me which one is the best, i would have buy that.

I know I was so dependent. I respect your decision and I love hearing your ideas and thoughts. Well, for you, i can. I can be so dependent. Simply because I trust you.

Today you ask me:

2 Dec 2010 15:16

Cheh I am okie la take my time walk and listen to music mah. Same as cycling... You scared I lonely or I kao lui? Haha

Here my explaination. I chose to let go coz I was done with it on my last day of 2009.

YES *Firmly* I scared. I have no faith and i have phobia in that. I am not sure if you aware, if you dont, that's okay. I did mention to you not once but few times abt it. I appreciate that you listen but I was sad that no extra explaination and action taken on this. *Disappointed* But no forcing. *Give until it hurts, coz real love hurts*. Life is quite fair in certain way/time. I missed certain part and now time to pay them back.

o... There's this phone call from sg to my sg line. A woman called me said she's Jeffery's wife. And she told me she know I've been hanging with him very often and she's not going to get angry but wanted to talk to me. I was like, "WTF" okie.. But I kept asking her which jeffery she was refering to. My office got 2 and other than that I dont have any fren call Jeffery. One is gay and One is half single half attached. and I am either close with any of them and I hate that half single half attached one. The gay one is my boss. *boo...*  I was confused. Thats not my main point. Guess life has many many "first time". This's my first time receiving such call and remind me on something.

Well, dont want to think about sad things. As long as i know what am i doing and I think it is worth to do, then I will do. Life is short. I treasure every single minute I have in life with meaningful work.

Most importantly, Happy can edi. I wish you happy here.

I met tippie, xter and ah nam just now. Xter and Ah nam jst a quick one. Had an hr chat with tippie. Finally I realised we have grown up... Life is actually quite simple and i know him since 13. We dont meet often, we dont talk often, we dont call everyday, we meet once or twice in a year, but we still know each other well. Perhaps we are different. When things dont work out your way, stop and go away. When things go your way as wat you have planned, go ahead and leave the rest behind.

Good nite and take good care.

Love,

*Lovely*

A day without Paddington Pancake

Where is my Pot of Gold?
Jan 2010 9:30am

A day with my family to Mid Valley, shop eat, eat shop and walk.
I bought a cool water bottle. Going to do something with it... that is so cooolll! *Thumbs up!*

We had taiwanese food for brunch. it cost $160++. Not very nice but the fun that we had together. So consider quite fun. Next time we dont go there, we passed by there before but ended up didnt go in. I still want to have paddington pancake!!! *CRY*

hahahahaha....

Well, how's your day? Hope you rest well.
I still can't figure out what's left in your house. I only remember my 2 bags which supposed send to repair. Oh! Today saw one DKNY bag very nice and super big for me (they say) but i like it very muchie... Bobby say if anything happen i can hide inside.. *Laugh out loud* They really think I so thin.

If you think that's not important, then pls throw it away. i throw quite alot and give away alot too. I wish someone can help me to choose some clothes that dont look nice on me and donate it away. I want to change my wardrobe and i just 'bu seh de' throw my old ones. *frown* I just love my old stuffs after develope my love for them. *wink* I am not the type who easily change my heart.

Well, if you seriously think they are useless items, pls throw away. i dont want to occupy your space so that you can put your things. Of coz, definately and confirmed I am sad. like i say, i am not perfect but i will try make it better.

When we are ready, we will be. Now we dont look like anything, but i will keep my heart for you, always and forever.

Last nite i dreamt abt you, but cant remember what. But surprisingly, MCC supposed to sleep on my right, then midnite i woke up, he was on my left which where I put him initially. :S anything happen to him? *eyes rolling left and right*

Hope tonite i can sleep well with running nose. Else I will have restless midnite agn. Hope you sleep well too, i go bek i pass you some of my meds and the face wash yar... I hope you recover fast fast and be strong again, gain back the sparks in your eyes again.. *Blink Blink*.

Just now dinner we had Deep Fried pumkin with salted egg.! *Slurp* That's super nice and I keep eating it!
That can almost replace my wedges. Cant imagine it... I will go home and try making it and i hope it will turn out nice, else I could have mess up the whole kitchen and waste all the ingredients and gain nothing aft few hours of attempt.

Alrite baby, got to go...

Miss you always and hope to have you by my side every second every min every hour every day every week every month every year for 100 yrs. *love*

Love,

^Lovely^

Embarking journey to the North

1 + 1 on the road


31 Dec 2009 2:30pm Novena Square, Singapore to Bangsar Kuala Lumpur.
Embarking the journey with MCC.
Seat number 16, miss Nicole and MCC.


The journey starts here…
Seat number 4 and 5, Mr & Miss So and So.


The girl looks young and the guy looks mid 20s.
The guy fell asleep very fast in the bus with his half head hanging out. The girl friend’s bag on his thigh and another one below his feet. He is quite tall and the girl very skinny and small size. She’s comfortably reading her newspaper and watching her movie while he was sleeping.


Before reaching the customs, after passport and customs check, before R&R stop, after R&R stop and thereafter. He slept through the whole journey. Can imagine how tired he was and how bored throughout the whole journey.


Random: I smell tuna bread. Yum~


And the moment I saw his half head dangling out from the seat, I felt the pain. The aching that cannot be describable. We used to travel with couch to KL, and often we will watch the same movie or you will read or I will sleep. Then ended up both zzzz until the R&R stop. I wish to travel with you and I wish to have you by myself when I travel, but if this going to be so painful, I rather not. I may be disappointed but I will be more sad if you didn’t even send me off at the station or airport or the departure place.


I would love to see you and have you with me all the time. i know you got to work that's why i was not angry or so. Just miss seeing you...


Received your sms.


31 Dec 2009 17:36pm
No sun here.. Windowns all tinted. Also blocked by buildings so cannot really see much. Miss those times we travel on coach. Dont mind doing it but not so often. I think I'm finishing soon then go dinner with boss for awhile.


I wish we could see the last sunset together and share the very first sun rise of the year together too.. :) That would be so romantic u know. *Smile*


Well, 2009 has gone and now 2010. Let's make new things in this year.


I had a fun night. Went to my grandma's house for count down. Long time since I was young and before I went to tassie, while my grandma and uncle still with us. And now, only 7 of us. *Grief*


Anyway, the fireworks no long that stunning and charming. Maybe we have grown up and I am not longer belong to the fireworks spectator group or eager to see any.. If you are telling me abt bungee jumping with fireworks then i maybe interested. Think i should go penang for the beach game soon. I miss the parashooting game.


Oh well, let's make this year a good year and start to enjoy and treasure every moment that I can. First station would be helping to buy whatever was ordered in sg. then I shall have my own time shopping ard then have whatever I like to eat.. WOW! Paddington Pancake! Pots of gold!! I am coming over now!! woohoo!


If I could have it with you again, that would be so gorgeous!! *Love it*


Guess you gonna have rest enough then have fun during this long weekend. No matter what, pls take care of yourself. take meds and recover soon. I got flu since last nite and my head is pounding pain now.. The air is disgusting. My nose block and one side the nuah jst drip by itself *auto mood on* ..yuks yuks!


Alrite.. Hungry.. drank quite abit last nite and now hungry.. woohoo! Im going to check out new toys too! baby! miss you already.


Love you.


^Lovely^

Give away 2009, Take the new leads

One stop solution: Give & Take

None walking around resentful & depressed


I had a nightmare. I cursed & sweared wen i woke up. *shiver*.
I will never want that kind of life. Disgusting, lonely and shit!!! *pui! pui! pui!*
Dont wan to talk abt it. Let say my last word before i depart my journey to the north & welcome 2010.


2009, a joyful first half year & a much depressing year end rather.


- Feb - We went back to CNY. I was like.. oh shit.. few days without and the moment i had to say goodbye from the gantry gate, i was like... I dont wanna leave u... depressed.heart pain. but i really got to go... *sob sob* Well, very fast will see you again. but that few days without you was HELL. then we went frasers hill. We gamble and you won the most. U cheater. *laugh out loud* and everyone trying to win your money but you were just so damn lucky bastard.. *laugh*. And i got myself a scarf from you. and those were part of my money too.. *evil laugh*


Then we went bek to kl on and off. We hunt for toys. My mom keep scolding me for buying toys.. always say: still small ar? *eyes rolling* Well, we enjoy playing with it.. now im looking for money. Thinking to make my own mini store unique coins. *Cheers* woohoo!!


We didnt travel much this year coz both of us were jobless for a moment and no money. And time fly very fast.. I screwed up the r/s and i irritate you alot. Until the day my uncle passed away you scolded me badly. My heart was totally broken into pieces. I cried until my head pain and sunk to the bottom of my toes, and that's when i decided to tear away the first getaway tickets i bought and put back the clothes i packed.


I drank for the few days. i hate being alone and i hate being mind-free. I squad in the toilet and cry. i covered up so that no one could hear me. Midnite i stood near the window cried and drank. I know I gonna have gastric if i keep drinking like this, but i dun care. I even feel like commiting suiside at a point. *crying out loud* and then i understood why ppl make up their mind & finally jump from high floor or kill themselves with drugs. In one night, i lost everything.


Everyday i go to work & i work hard. Whenever i have chance to drink, i drink. i hardly eat. One meal per day. And my stomach just so guai.. I must say she didnt give me any problem during the low season. i work and work and work. i hardly call home coz everytime i call home, my mom cry over the phn. And you are right, I will start sobing at the other corner. i dont knw what to say and what to do to make them at ease. If she cant reach me or i didnt reply her sms, she starts worrying. Now atleast better.


*laugh* Everyone saw my FB msg during that period, they thought what happen to me. Well, no one knows how badly i was hurt and how much i feel like dying.


Thank God im still alive. I picked up myself with few supports beside.


I plan to buy a bigger house in KL. Once my bro graduates frm school, he can get a job and pay the car loan. then i shall just bear my study load and house loan. Everyone stay together and everything will be save. i still insisted to get my dream house which cost min RM1.8mill. What the heck lor.. Whatever I like, all superb!


Here comes the air tickets thingy. thought if everything goes well, we could have go honeymoon soon. Well, I always guess wrongly. just not my luck. I did my research for next year travelling plan, since this year we didnt travel much, so decided to give you a surprise. I call this, the path for 2 souls 4 hands 2 legs.


Well, since this is no longer a surprise, coz xter knows abt it long ago. She was over excited and she keeps asking me to send her pictures later. she anticipated for my latest blog soon. but well, i put her down.


And given 2 choices. In April i will get my diving license first. so wherever we go, if you like, we can do diving. Feb will start my theory. then mid year will be a short break. So we can save more money for year end long vacation. Innitially we plan to go Japan, korea and other asia country. Given a choice, I would rather explore somewhere not-so-easy to access.. I mean if my pocket allow la..


We either fly to SG - Japan - Taiwan - China - then another country god-knows-where - SG. Do an Asia league tour.
or
SG- Bangkok - (Turkey) -Oslo- small places ard there - SG.. (Which i have more or less argeed. Coz I think Oslo is a damn cool place..) If i could go to these kind of antic places with my loved one, I dont mind to get a short life. Which i think worth it! Of coz if my family can come along, then i choose to die for everyone. Die 100x also no prob.. *laugh* *cough cough* I am not cat lor anyway...


Wedding theme, house decor, kids' name, which month to make baby so that the kids will share the same birthday month with daddy. During pregnancy, i want to take pic. Thats so art and I would love to have an album just showing the progress of the tummy sizes. Of coz taking artistic photos with daddy together. So art neh!!!


Photo theme i also thought about it. Erm.. let's do something uncommon and something fun. I think more like us. *www.oneeyeclick.com* i been searching and keeping photos samples. but well, i thk those things no in need anymore.


Well, all done.


Let's bury them from now on and start fresh... Bury the past unhappy things. Bury that stupid ideas and bury the sadness and misunderstanding and bad experience. Bury the unwanted love. Bury the stupidity, Lies, cheats, beat ard the bush character, easy to get hurt, speak without brain, jealousy, bad time management, attitude problem, bad mouth, insensitive, over sensitive, bad healthy, bad breath, timid heart, unloved feeling. Bury them and... (but i want to thank the above listed for making me a better person today, but i hate having them beside me! *shooo!!boh!!!*


Grant us: more patience, more fun-loving, more sweet tooth, more brain, more good cheeky ideas, sensitive towards ppl's feeling, kind, joy, good health, pretty and handsome, forever young @ heart or out-look, tougher to dig $$$ and wisdom!!!


Dont even think about it and dont bring forward to 2010.
Still got few hours then 1st Jan 2010! Woohoo! Hooray!! hooray!!!
Let's cheers for 2010 and have a better year! *Cheers*.


This year is a bad year for everyone, i hope next year we can watch the last sunset and first sun rise together. I think that's meaningful. FYI, i only do this with my loved one. Not anyone or everyone okie? I will want to spend this meaningful night with you. You might have did it with someone else, but i dont care, that's past and i cant change it. but future, i want to make it better. If you going to do this with someone else while i am away, then pls inform, so that i know I am not that someone special to you anymore. I will be sad but I will be glad that you break my heart in 2009 instead of 2010. I am hoping for a better 2010 to be with you.


Alrite, time to go.. 5 hours journey to the north and time to go home to settle things.
1. Loans, clear bills and debts. money money money...arghhh... forever!
2. laywer doc (this one take forever)
3. Time to go explore shopping mall in kl to see the decor.
4. Check out KL's fireworks! They are always nice and charming but what abt this year? Gonna spend it at the balcony with a nice cold drink. *love it*. but too bad, darling wont be ard.


Love you always & Happy New Year to you and your family, may everyone of you healthy, properous!




^Loving - Lovely^

Time to move on
I miss the olden days


*Stressed*

Body aching *ouch ouch ouch* Sore throat *cough cough*
Go home with sickness. Am such useless bastard! *slaps*
Just because past few days rush jobs and never drink much. *Sigh*

Few more hours is 1st Jan 2010. Feel like there are still things hanging..
Wanted to forget about 2009, but heart just not that. There's still *Qian Gua* behind. Wonder why.

Oh well, time flies very fast. Soon it will be end 2010.

I cant spend the last day of 2009 with you, but i wish 2010 will.
I want us to spend more time together, talk, have fun, play, and explore lots lots lots of other things.
I want to do it with you and spend my life with you, alone. Just you alone. No one else and no others.

Well, please take care yourself and though we dun meet often, hardly talk abt our daily life. What we talk when we meet only the basic general topics. this upsets me but like i say, i dun want to push you further. just hope we will get more closer than before.

Think abt it, you hardly share with me about your stuffs. I guess except myself, the friends around you anyone, everyone know you better than me. I feel sorry.

Okay, let's not talk further. I promise to have better future. I will do it 1st Jan 2010 starting from the first thing in the morning. I, nicole, be my own witness.If i fail to do so, I shall give up all my belonging here and follow what my family has planned. Whatever and anything that come into life. I have 1 year, 365 days, 8,760 hours.

Oh, btw, my mom did ask me abt you agn, i supposed not to tell you, but i think this is manners. She asks if you are coming during CNY. Well, i didnt promise her anything. Coz i did tell her i will fly to somewhere for 3 days.she tot i go with you this is why she asks. Dont worry. I cleared her query just update you so incase she ask.

Alrite. I will leave tomoro 2:30pm bus. Incase anything happen to me during the journey *touch wood* *Choi! Choi! Choi!* please help me to tell them, i have nothing left with me but accident plan with prudential and i think that will help abit. And some money in my bank. If anything *touch wood*, please help me to take care of the kids. i come alone, go alone. oh ya...*laugh* if they need my pic for the big frame portrait, pls check my wallet in my working bag. Plenty of maid's picture there. *laugh out loud*.

During festive season, high traffic on the road and hope the driver drives safely. and i will buy the face wash for you. Know the Fancl foam face wash needs sometimes to create the foam, so decided to buy you the nivea oxygen one. ok? What else you need? pls text me so I can get them before coming bek. I will be bek on Sunday, dont think i will be able to send the thing to you. I expected to reach here ard 7 and by the time the bus reach bedok wld be 8+. Will arrange another time to meet you and pass to you k?

Okay dear, please take good care of your health. Dont over work and please take meds. And pls pls....dun smoke anymore.. I know I cant control you or ask you to do anything, but think about future k?

alrite sweety, good bye and do take care.

Love you sweety.

*Dry Lovely*

I am what ahh...

I look like a Gu Niang
I look like a tekko
I look like can fly with wind blow stronger
I look like secondary school kid body side but with wrinkles on my face
I look si wen
I look gentle
I look like non-malaysian
I look like easy-to-bully
I look skinny
I look with fragile bone structure body

So, what am I?

Today was a super frustrating day. Come to a point I feel like changing job. That's how terrible..
I feel like screaming at those people and walk out from the office and never come back anymore.. That's how bad it was.

Once idiots, forever bastard. These ppl never should deserve such kind treatment. Those kind one should have a raise. Those lazy ass should have gone early.

One colleague, Bryon, leaving this thursday, poor him. Though you are abit sissy and you are abit too much sometimes, but afterall, you are a good buddy to share things with. No doubt you handsome and everyone agreed that statement, but too bad for the girls. Well, sincerely wish you have a better year ahead. God bless that idiot who ask you to leave! *Mad*

Today while having lunch, we were talking about this topic - Men, marriage and religion. Darlene is married and she is eurasian, Malay with ang mo. Her husband is muslim malay. The husband's family was very open minded before their marriage, but after married, things changed. Well, I totally understand it. Coz that's the true color show time. Well, the hubby's family trying to convert Darlene. But she refused too. Then Kenneth was saying, if anyone can find a good man, go get married and settle down. and Fiona was saying, wer got good man now. Simply because she is les. She got hurt badly and eventually turn into les.

haha... ended up with the statement below.

Good man, not bad looking, doing well, with family problem *Worried son's money gone*
Good man, doing well, not bad looking, old *only divorsee know wat they want better*
Good man, doing well, know how to enjoy life *Blur and bad time management*
Good man, doing ok, not bad looking, family only financial support *poor son*
Good man, bad looking, shy. *talk only, no action, sit and wait for miracle.*
Bad looking, rich, always fat and stout *God is fair*
Bad looking, rich, sweet mouth, cheater *cheat girl's money, if not aunties has no entertainment*

Just for laugh.. *hahahahahaha*

I still think my dear dear is the best... good looking, well doing, good man... just that abit weird nia... *Laugh out loud*.

I think I am falling sick. Finally after one year i can finally fall sick kao kao..but why now??
Aiyayak... *body aching*...

Miss you baby.. Hope you get your holiday tomorrow onwards.. Rest more okay?

Gonna miss you when i leave...

*Me, not-so-strong-lovely*

If you have 10, I have 110.

I am still in the holiday mood.. jialat! *slap*

Dont feel like working on monday too much to do. I hate going out now. Going for new brief shld be good, but going out for dispatch work is stupid. And when everyone say this is urgent, that is urgent, everything is urgent. So which one is super urgent then?

3 new accounts coming up. 2 pitches doing now. 3 super babies that need most of the attention. 2 will ring their alarm during festive seasons. The rest just close on eye open my eye and do.

Well, during this hectic moment, all i need is .... YEAH YEAH!! *Claps* Bingo! Snacks!
I got a new snacks. See! see!

Chocolate pudding!! Yo! Baby! i miss you and i miss buying nice snacks with you. but I MISS YOU MORE!!

Chocolate pudding! Chocolate pudding! yea! yea! Chocolate pudding!

Cute features. Cute icon. Cute carton character. Cute cup packaging, Cute color. Everything just so cute........ *love*

hmm... when you give 10%, i give 100%. When you show me how much you care, i love myself more.

28 Dec 2009 4:39pm

Wah wah then you take one extra day la it's okie I'll still be here mah :P

This is so sweet.... *love* aww..... my heart melting.... *eyes with tears* Feel so touched!! I love it! i definately love it!! woohoo!!! *jumping*

I will treasure all these. Like i say, I respect your decision, I love having you in my arm, I miss you more as compared last time. When we are ready, we will live lovingly forever ever after... *sweet* Me likes!!!! *blink blink*.

Love you always,

^Lovely^

Click here to view these pictures larger

365 days compress to 30days.
8,760 hrs in 365 days.
8,760 hrs in 30 days is 292hrs per day.

I want to go through thin and thick with you everyday. I want to repeat the love i have for your 24/7 x 365 days x 100 years. whatever may occur in a year, I want them to happen in 30days. *Express, kao kao, jialat jialat.*

Love you always,

^Lovely^

Sunshine Sunday!!

Another brand new day also the last day of the long weekend.. Merry looong weekend so fast come to an end... *sad*

How's my baby? How's his last nite shopping? Hope you enjoy it!
Well, last nite i was irriated. My fault. I was totally lose my words and my love was suddenly all disappear.

Well, if you dont take me as your gf, i will be sad. but dont worry. I will not give up to be a better me. Continue to punish me, continue to torture me, me likes.. *laugh*

Not everyone shares the same interest as me and i cant force you to like my way of wat i do either. oh dear.. dun worry.. im not saying im gonna give up.. maybe to stop being so pushy and irritating... i will still continue to do what i should do. Im not perfect or simply perfect, but i want to have a slightly perfect future. Coz you are simply perfect, you deserve more. *sweet* I still want to see your sparkling eyes with passion in everything you do. They look like a pair of talking stars to me. *love*

This is the last thing for this year, your gift. This meant to be yours and i dont want to keep it with me. Please take it away from me.. and... *shouting and screaming noises* Can you hear?

The kids are calling. Can you bring them away too? They miss you and they need you more than me.. *giggle* they so heartless.. Since after I opened up all the present and non suits them, they ditch me. *ouch*. Anyway, like i say 2010 will be a short year for me. Please keep them with you.

I will be somewhere to share the same timing with you, whatever in the past, never will bring forward. Only happy and fulfillment. These are the treasure I have with you. None can robs them away from me & my memory. I will keep them nicely and store them well. Let's forget abt the past and have a better years ahead. I wish you happy and dreams come true in 2010. whatever you wish in 2010, you will get it.

Enjoy this day with your loved one and time to settle your new year resolution. *cheers*. Oh baby! So much to talk abt 2009.. May my wishes come true in 2010 too... *evil laugh* I still want to be rich tai tai..persistence damn strong... hahahaha...

Love ya always.

*Lovely*

I am not a good girl friend.

26 dec 6:26pm
I miss you alot I still love you I feel bad not being able to give you present cause I'm broke. Just bear a couple more days my cheque clear I will be fine. I am sorry I am sick. I just want to take care of you do much and feel very down. I can only hope you wont give up... Muaks.

A righteous man is cautious in friendship (Prov 12:26)

Re-cap, I just want to keep all the sms from you that warm my heart so much. I know I have not been acting kind today and I am simply annoyed and irritated.

I am sorry if i have hurt you and timidity never got anyone anything. So I am going to tell you what I want here and again, dont get me wrong, this is not against you or blaming you. I just want to be direct and get things clear and done. Please dont get me wrong okay baby.

1. I never ask for present. I need your heart and love. Who cares abt xmas present when you dont give with love? I appreciate your thought to prepare it, dont think becoz i made something for you and you must return me a favour. never ever think that way okay. We used to celebrate random annivesary and wat not. There should not be a reason to buy a gift. I buy when i feel like it. I cancel my gym membership becoz to save that little money for you and us. If you need money, pls ask. This savings meant for you since your salary is not in on a regular basis. Please dont buy me any present. I dont want anything but you your love and heart. I need us to grow closer.

2. Are we still in a r/s? I guess not. I am super disappointed abt this. Tell me which part of us look like a couple other than texting each other everyday. and refering back to my previous blog, how many sms and calls we made? further more this is a long weekend, it's christmas (well, over!). Did we even meet?

We dont go out as often as before. Seems to me you are hiding and you scared to being seen in public with me. I feel really sad. Tell me, what would you do if you love the person? This is why it got me so pissed today. You told me last nite say wanted to tell me abt your dream and we supposed to meet up too. which now going to be sunday soon. no more saturday. I was disappointed. Very... Each time you tell me you will wan to share with me things but ended nothing. I wait and wait... *dry up*. I dont want to hear sorry. How many sorry can there be in your entire life? If my uncle can get back his life by saying sorry, i would say it every minute. Dont say sorry to me.I hate feeling sorry... i just want to treasure every minute i have without wasting it further..

3. I sms you, update my blog, write FB msg and etc so that you know what's going on with me daily. If I have a proper schedule, I would have text you everything like that day. but after all, i feel cold. Somehow, I feel, I am jst doing it for no purpose. I go out, i have entertainment, i ask you to come along and you are not interested. You go out, you nv bring me nv even inform me nevermind. like I say, im not your gf anymore. coz the whole world aware about this and by action, we dont live like one. I am sad. F'king irritated. (forgive me, i jst want to share with you about my feeling.) If you serious dont want anyone to know abt us, tell me, at least i know what to do. i would feel much thankful if you can be more open up..

I am hoping for a return from you, everyday i have been waiting for you. Hope you will start changing your mind and hope we can get better life. but again, my stupidity proof my idiotity right. I know you hate rain so that I ask u not to come over. when you called, there was an incoming call. So i guess you have your own plan. And you never bother to explain. Thats hurt. I dont want to repeat your path coz i know i will never want my partner to treat me that way. I want him to know everything abt me, i want him to be the closest to my world. I believe you know.

4. By telling me you love me and you miss me, i feel touched. You ask me not to give up, yes thanks, i wont.And i say you give 10% i give 110% in return. i mean it and I will deliver. I would love to keep my heart sweet and love growing. but i need support. A gardener cant grow the plants by just watering them everyday. They need more than just water. They need protection and love to grow stronger. Sometimes i jst dont know how to react. All i can do is keep giving. Give until it hurts, coz real love hurts.

Well, this is the last long weekend we have. then I will be away and the next long week will be in CNY. 2010 will be a short year to me. i want to treasure my 2010 as much as possible and this will be my 3rd year in singapore. And dont worry, i will never want to repeat all these again. like i say, i cant change the past, but i can make the future better. i dont want to bring forward anything, especially unhappy things that will affect my heart. Coz i want to continue to be loving. Dont dont get angry.. after i pour it out, i feel much better. ignore me if i say anything offended you. forgive me and i dun mean to hurt you. okay?

Thanks for punishing me. this helps me to grow! Im not perfect but i believe im slightly better.. humble abit. *laugh*

Alrite... enjoy your rest of the weekend.. I hope im not too pushy.. and you have your freedom. i dont want to force you. Im open for anything, just tell me everything.

good bye.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of like (Prov 13:12)

*lovely*

Forgiveness, Reconcilation & Trust

...Thought we have been here before, where things happened, you apologized, we got right back together, and nothing really changed. So this time, I want us to figure out a way to work towards getting back togother when i feel as though you are doing something different I can trust.

I am sorry but I have to learn to trust you again, and that has to be based on your actions. And you know it takes two to tango. I dont want you feeling as if I'm holding it against you. If we have desire to continue the r/s and we need to work through significant issues.

I feel like im living in darkness. There won't be a future if we keep doubting on each other's life. Im guessing abt your faily life and you are suspecting me. I want to trust you, I want you to know I am open and transparent enough to share my world with you.

I am disappointed and annoyed.. I just want to get over this quickly.

I am sorry if I have put you down. I just dont know how to react. I just want you to be more open to me and tell me things. We are far apart, with my own strenght, we cant go far. Unless I am walking alone.

Tell me what you want and what we can do. Please....

I will be here...

*lovely*