What if...

Do you know...
Wonder why...

Do you know I worry about you?
Wonder why you hate worrying about me and yet you make me worry so much abt you?
Do you know I hate when I call you and you never pick up?
Wonder why you never even return call when you see missed call?
Do you know this makes me helpless?
Wonder why you are such cruel and never bother?
Do you think you want me to 'taste' the old me?
Wonder why if you think I never learn my lesson and still want to punish me?

All I want is just that little attention to make my heart at ease.
Well, am i asking too much? *Maybe

If this is all you could do, after 3 missed calls and 2 sms, and all you did was just a short sms say sorry and will call me soon. If this is all you could do, should I claim that I am not important than your work or at all? BTW, i feel left out.

Yes, I deserved this punishment coz I dont know how to treasure you but I do appreciate what you did last time. I dont need you to quit your job just to show how crucial this r/s is, all i need is just this little attention to show you are still concern and care about this r/s.

I remember there was once I call you and you didnt pick up. You didnt even return call, at all. I never send you sms or call again. I was sad, totally upset about this. Well, if im too much and you think this is annoying then i shall just cut this off. I dont want to make you feel irritated or 'fan'.

Im open and you have your options. If you think this is too much, please tell me. If I have no right to do so, pls do share with me. I just want to know what is in your mind. If this is not what I should do, then forgive me and please let me know.

I know I worry abt you especially the moment when you get your new car. I worry even more when you on the road. Sorry to say, I dont think I will stop worrying about you even if you ask me so. Maybe I would cut down slowly. If you tell me stop worrying about you then i guess i know your point.

I think when you love a person, you will constantly worrying about your loved one.

Proof me wrong.

^Not-too-smart-lovely^

Precious

Spending time together again.
Saturday morning was great! I had fun and enjoyed every moment i have with you.
*laugh out loud* I know I was alittle lame but this is me. *faint*
Sorry if this turn you off or irritate you but i like doing this to see people's reaction. *laugh with tears*

We only meet once a week and we hardly share and talk during weekdays about our life.
This make me feel far apart and disconnected. Well, i understand you busy working during the day and you need more rest when you are home. Just that this makes me feel sad that i can hardly spend time with you.

Last time we can go work together, go home together, then we share the same room, we get to hug each other to sleep at nite even we dont see each other during the day and now all disappear. and I am all alone with myself.

but I am glad atleast this make me know how to treasure you more and appreciate the time with you together. Thats nice!

Looking forward to have more fun with you soon..

Love,
^Lovely^

见好就收

Lack of confidence.
Pissed.
Unhappy.
Upset.
Disappointed.

Time to move on and pack thing home.

I hate these ppl who play politics in the office.. I cant take this kind of attitude..
Since there is nothing I can do to change their attitude as this is born within them, I shall move on.
Yes. I am soft and easy to be bullied. Because I dont want to create problem.

Sigh.. I give up!

Well, this year meant to be something different. Maybe this is the start of it.. Is this the sign? muahaha! shiok myself! *Laugh out loud*

I do really hope something different for 2010. If this is the sign, then i shall very soon get wat i want.
*wink*. Now i can put more effort in the shop and plan more things for this shop. Do wat i love to do, do what i have plan to do long ago.

Dont worry. You will have what you have planned all this while. You got your job and you enjoy it alot and I wish you have a good success and get more business.. And hope one day this company will be yours. *wink*

Before I leave my job, i will try to get this project done. and i decided not to join agency anymore. Let's see..
Anyway, I will stick to my dream and will continue work towards it.

And I am so glad for your new SJV450A. *cheers*. Your new wife! yea!!! Man either money or woman. I think yours is money and car. Woman is more than what you can get. *laugh*
I am thankful for your special invite, and I hope when you fetch me, you wont bring me to petrol station. *laugh*. Although there were things that i was upset about but i am still grateful for you for your new wife! Bastard sia you! Ask me to read your car number plate and laugh at me out loud over the phone. So kind la you evil!!! *sweat*

7 Jan 2010 8:16pm
Then shall we go there one day again? I haven't been going out much feel like a turtle. i feel the same way too when i go out see all the places we used to go then miss you more. U go enjoy good la. i go home eat ee-min.

Yes yes! we should. I feel the same way and I told tippie about this, he say im too in-love. *love*.

For now we only meet once a week and that once is limited time. I know I shouldnt talk abt work but us during the meeting time. But I seriously need your help for input abt the brief. not so much abt the ideas for the work. thanks thanks. I will reward you with whatever you like later.. *wink* petrol vouchers!!!

Okay, want to go rest!

Drive safe all the time! no speeding! no talking or sms when you drive!!!
I dont want to keep worrying abt you, if like this I shall ask yr parent not to let you drive. Ya. maybe you are right, when we staying apart and you dont know abt what happen to me, u have less preasure. less worry abt me.

Love,
Lovely*

Let's celebrate!

Happy Anniversary!

This is the 101 post! woohoo! After 2 years of 'hard work', now has come to a day that worth celebrating for.
Happy 101 Anniversary!

Anyone who tag this or leave any comment on this page will get yourself a big hug*.
*T&C apply.

Well, on top of this, today also another day to celebrate my sollowness. *Sob sob*

I wonder how can human be such selfish...
How could you ever neglect my feeling when it involves me, my soul, my body, my mind, my flesh?
When you claim that I am your partner, you should atleast consult/inform/buzz me or share with me your idea.
This is call partner. If not then why would you chose me as your partner? 

A partner is for sharing and doing things TOGETHER, IN PAIR!
You need not a partner when you are walking alone, doing things alone.
I feel disrecpectful, disgrace and dishonour. And this is hurting me badly! OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!

I am thankful for you for sharing with me the outcome, the final result and the happiness.
I feel good for hearing the good news from you and be part of the audience or one of your listener.
Since you have called me, your partner, I feel insulted. I am not too sure how to react when you shared with me your happiness. YES! of coz I am happy for you. But we didnt work together to get this happiness. Therefore, I ask myself, if I should be happy or proud for being your partner. NO!

Let's simplify it. I am not here just to share your happiness but to be a part you. From 1-10 that has my sweat, tears, hard work, screams, laughters, cheering, cursing and swearing. I dont want to hear about your happiness but laugh together with you along, to & from the start till the end of the journey. IF you call me your partner. IF you still do call me your partner! 

Yes, we were on our own way for awhile. We were disconneted and since you, again, claim that I am your partner, please help to act like one. I have no idea what is your 'partner' means. Do you mean only when you need me? Do you mean we are partner for certain things? Do you mean you can have other partner not just me alone? Tell me. Please make it clear.

This feels like a huge big tree trunk falls on my toe. It is painful and yet I dont know how to scream for help. Maybe I care about your feeling too much. But what about me? I am angry, I am sad, but do you think I can say it out? I am sure you will get upset later or even started to be defensive. I dont mean to hurt you or shut you off, I am just trying to work things better for both of us as a partner. Please try to understand my feeling coz I am one of the human too. 

I know those past hurt you alot and you need time to recover from that. But if you could just let go the pass and start looking forward to the future, it will be grateful for both of our lives. I mean, only when you think that is neccessary.

I am sorry that you might think I am a little too thick face. But to avoid misunderstanding, I hope we can make things clear. I do care about how you feel, if not I would have tell you off immediate during your sharing moment. i am sorry that i dont know how to beautify them in a nicer manner. But I do hope you take a few second to think about my feelings.

From 1 -7 you were all on your own, you inform me @ stage 8 then stage 9 then I see soon stage 10 which is also the final stage. From the process of 1-7, where were I? Did you call me? Did you think about me? I dont mean to be harsh but I just hope you give a little bit of thought to it. 

Anyway, I am glad and happy for you. But Im helpless for now. I cant laugh with you too.
But I sincerely hope you get my meaning. If not, pls ask. If you are not interested, nvm. Thanks for everything.

^Lovely^

孤单好吗

When there's not enough TLC...
Once a month...
CrampLah!!!


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My back PAIN like kena hit. Stomach CRAMP like hell. CrampLah.


.

当我们同在一起....叫永远

Sweeter than my lips
Loving than my name

Thank you for asking if i am okay. Yes. I am much better now.
Age matters. Every month i suffer more, IF i have a chance to be mother next time, i think i will ask for the injection. *ouch ouch ouch*

Thank you for being so concern and it really feel nice. *smile*

I am sorry that I cant read you fast and I am sorry to irritate you again. I shall not find any excuse to explain coz im always like this. Not once that i can be smarter. I know this is my weakness and i will try to make it better. *Sad* I aware I shall not talk to you about my problems when you just reach home with hot sweaty body. Am really sorry. *bow* forgive me, please!

I dont get what you mean by soon we or I will have fun. When I ask to explain simply I didnt get it and it was unclear the message. Well, I am sorry for being so stupid and slow. I guess this is why i irriate you so much. I feel bad and I really feel like crying. It hurts and it really hurt when you talk to me with harsh tone. *Wet eyes*

Since we hardly share about our work life, I shall not talk abt it so much. But I dont mind if you want to share with me about your work. I want to learn and I dont mind hearing them. It is part me getting closer to you. *Smile*

I am sorry that my work really bothers me alot. But dont worry, i will settle it myself and yes, i know what i want in my career but i doubt i can achieve it.

Anyway, this is a brand new year, the old chapters are now closed and done. Sun that rises to another day that is brighter than the last. I know I have to be positive and the changes and decisions that have made only there to help to make me stronger. Oh yes, just now i watch "Together" this show, I almost cry. Well, i think i learn something new last year. "Appreciate". I felt that, that is in my blood now. My eyes were wet during few touching moment in the show. I know I am abit too silly to cry. *Shy*.

I am glad that you enjoy your work and clear of what you have. Keep it up okay! No matter where you are, what you doing, enjoy every moment you have!

I have 365 days to play/work/do what I can to determine my next year 2011. Time gonna fly very fast this year and it makes me worry. Well, i live with what I can and within my strenght. I am still learning, learning to be smarter... *laugh out loud*.

Enjoy and continue to seek your dreams.

Be Happy!

^Lovely^

Kiss me at midnite

Hug me when there's storm.
Miss me when I am not around.
Love me so we can always be together.

Baby, i couldnt find any word to replace what's in my heart now.
*tears rolling in my eyes* I feel touched and I am speechless. I guess this is just like when you were young and you got bullied, your admirer was there to rescue you. Or just like when you first know what is love, your little finger touches hers and the spark just connect from yr finger to your heart and make your heart beat fast and your face blush. Or ..... arghhhhh... i dont know.. I jst cant find the word to tell.... *slap*

This is too sweet to describe and too hard to replace with words.. *love*

4th Jan 2010 9:00am
Last night wind keep howling then i work up looking if you were ok.
Always remembered that when got strong wind you scared...

This is more than jst touching.. This is more than love. This is more than word. This is more than a gift. This is more than ......... This is just.... so sweet. This feeling been staying deep inside my heart since the moment i received your sms, meaning which from 9am till now.. nv change. Still so loving and sweet.

Feel like the very first time fall in love!

I feel thankful for having you in my life.

Can I call you if there's strong wind tonite? Can I have you by my side when the strong wind comes again? Can you stay with me and dun go? Can you? Can I use your palm to cover my ears when the howling noise too loud? Can you hug me tighter by then? Can I sqeeze under your arm and sleep tonite? Can I have more of you? Can you pat pat me to sleep? Can I rub you until i fall asleep again? Can I? Can U?

Can you love me more each day x100 years?

*Lovely*

Love is a gift.

To love is to give. And Love is a gift.

3rd Jan 2010.

I met you again. It was so nice and it was a suprise that you wanna come down my area to see me.
Thank you dearest! You are such sweet one! *In love*

This 2 hours has drawn us closer. *cough cough* Not sure about you, but for me, it's definately a  YES YES. *Wink* Looking forward to have more and hoping to get closer to you each day.

I ask you about coming over for CNY. i was actually quite disappointed when you didnt have the intention to come. Well, up to you. My family members always welcome you and if you dont wish to come, that's ok. i know i say ok but i am actually not ok in my heart. Well, i will be fine later. Dont worry.

Just wanna tell you, i hope you can come and I hope we can stick together. If I dont mean anything to you or you are not ready or u dont see a future with me, i totally understand. Be happy k! *Cheers*

and I am not stressing you hor.. Please stop smoking if you can, sincerely!

Alrite.. it is bed time.

Tomoro gonna be a stressful day.

Love,

^Lovely^

Let it go

Life Changing

*Argh*... grouchy mood yesterday morning. Because i couldnt find EPF contact number. internet was !@#$ slow. then i throw tantrum on my mom. I am so so so sorry. I didnt mean to be that but i was just unahppy and disappointed with the services. I wanted to get things done and settle before i go back and I dont want to keep worrying about things here.

I guess I can never be dependent and expect people to help me to run errants. I give up. I will do myself.

Sorry about sharing and telling you about things and make you unhappy. Im really sorry. It will not happen anymore. It will only be happy things.

I feel like screaming and venting out my anger. Maybe because my aunty is coming soon. Sometimes I just want to be me. Sometimes I just want to give up on certain things totally. Sometimes I just want to walk away and disappear. Sometimes I feel like slapping my own face and ask myself to wake up. Sometimes I just hope people would change not only me. I try to be better but they take things for granted. I learn  what is priority and practise it. But i got more disappointment instead.

Well, forgive me for talking rubbish. This page is meant to be a venting page. I give up in expecting things from people. If you want to give, you share. In order for me to keep pushing and telling what I want, what we need and what should we have to make things better, just go ahead with what you think it is right.

I am not young anymore, I dont want to our waste time. I dont think this is the right thing to do and pro-long my pain. So forget about it and let's let it go. and i am not getting back what i have expected and you are not gainning anything but headaches.

Talking to Tippie and found we have grown up alot. And he realised I have changed. *WOW* this is what close friend can spot though we only call and meet once or twice in a year. Anyway, i dont used to share things directly with my partner. We both feel thankful for each other as good friend since we cant be gf/bf. *laugh* the reason was real stupid why we cant be one.

Anyway, he spotted a few things. We also shared how to make a r/s better and our partner feel more comfortable. It feels nice to be his gf only when the girl is not a blur-sotong. Everyone has their POV towards a certain statement. One thing he commented and makes me feel so proud is -my future husband will feel very happy to have me. *Laugh* He always think there are lots of flies and bees around me.

*Laugh* I think I know what a guy want from a girl to make his life easier (*cough* Not everything la. I am not god) and I know how to be more open. Of coz he is kind enough to help the gf to gain back her confidence and be more extrovert.

This believe is not only we know but those who take things seriously in r/s will trust this magic : If you want ppl to respect you, you must first respect ppl. If you want ppl to treat you good, you must first love others. This is a powderful way.

Well, I dare not to say my future husband or partner will feel proud of me, because he said it based on what he has seen and heard. But I will try to give the best and I hope in return he will treat me good too. That's what life all about.

But when we touched abt 'family trip or family visitation' I feel sad. I am not here to put blame coz i didnt do a good job, but i hope there shall not be any revenge in heart at the first place and i seek understanding for future respect. Oh well, dont worry. Things over and I am done with all unhappy things. I promise to improve, i will respect what decision has made and I will try to make it work. The rest not up to me to plan and decide and I shall let is go.

Thanks for spending so much time with me and thank god to have you to teach me what is love and relationship. And now im good to go.

Life still goes on and happy can edi... YES!!!

Alrite.. going to pack and time to go bek to the reality and no more fooling around.

^Lovely^

Journey to the North

The process &Progress

None would expect time flies this fast.

None would expect 1st Dec and 2nd Dec gone by like this.

My travel partner for this trip, *claps*

MCC - Min Chao Chao (direct translate - Face Black Black)

Always an emo kid. But he's good enough to spend time with me in travelling to places. I guess he's cursing and swearing for 5 hours journey.

Don't ask me if I bought 2 seats' tickets or 1. He is simply my priority during travelling. Unless LPP (his partner) around, then guess he wont mind to sqeeze in the bag for 5 hrs.

This is just a normal VIP bus. But I have to provide Super Duper First class VVIP service.

*nod* Yes Yes! He is my King - Jr.

*Laugh* Opps.. He even has the first priority to be in my hand bag. Yes! Dont be jealous!

" Okie my majesty! My bad to sqeeze you like a lemon.!"  

The sick slave!

2nd Dec

I finally can have my paddington pancake in One Utama.

"Oh Gosh! I miss it so much!!" *Warm*

Paddington Pancake, the man/waiter kept staring at me during the whole 1hour.

I wonder what's he up to.

The sause that's simply fantabulous!!! If you dont know how to eat, it might taste like 'Ah neh' smell to you. But after all, it's something nice to try. *Heart warming*. Just that mom say not worth for the price.

*Slurp* I'm going bek home to make! This weekend breakfast! Onz!!!

This year solution - Cook more and make more nice food.

Aint he cute? *Laugh* He is naughty but he is smart.

Tell you, he can play 'Cooking Mama' pretty well!! *Thumb Up*

My first ever branded bag! DKNY!

Ya i know, it cost RM699! I know, it doesnt come with fantastic pattern. Coz i like it simple.

I know the color is bright and not all dare to carry. Yes. I like it to be stunning.

I know it is big not lady-like at all. Yes Yes. This is so me! I like my bag big big.

 

First time in my entire life!

Spent RM700 with one swipe at one time on one bag.

Being a rich tai-tai not easy. Feeling like one is far different from what I thought.

I settled my first wish - get myself a nice bag.

A good start of the year! woohoo! *cheering!*

In conclusion,

When I saw this bag, i couldnt make up my mind. I was so dependent and i pick up my phone and call you. I was not very sure if you were stl sleeping or busy or wat. All i know was, call you and check with you if I should buy. I didnt mean to disturb you or be so childish. I just want your opinion and I was hopping i can mms you to show you all the bags in the shop. So when you tell me which one is the best, i would have buy that.

I know I was so dependent. I respect your decision and I love hearing your ideas and thoughts. Well, for you, i can. I can be so dependent. Simply because I trust you.

Today you ask me:

2 Dec 2010 15:16

Cheh I am okie la take my time walk and listen to music mah. Same as cycling... You scared I lonely or I kao lui? Haha

Here my explaination. I chose to let go coz I was done with it on my last day of 2009.

YES *Firmly* I scared. I have no faith and i have phobia in that. I am not sure if you aware, if you dont, that's okay. I did mention to you not once but few times abt it. I appreciate that you listen but I was sad that no extra explaination and action taken on this. *Disappointed* But no forcing. *Give until it hurts, coz real love hurts*. Life is quite fair in certain way/time. I missed certain part and now time to pay them back.

o... There's this phone call from sg to my sg line. A woman called me said she's Jeffery's wife. And she told me she know I've been hanging with him very often and she's not going to get angry but wanted to talk to me. I was like, "WTF" okie.. But I kept asking her which jeffery she was refering to. My office got 2 and other than that I dont have any fren call Jeffery. One is gay and One is half single half attached. and I am either close with any of them and I hate that half single half attached one. The gay one is my boss. *boo...*  I was confused. Thats not my main point. Guess life has many many "first time". This's my first time receiving such call and remind me on something.

Well, dont want to think about sad things. As long as i know what am i doing and I think it is worth to do, then I will do. Life is short. I treasure every single minute I have in life with meaningful work.

Most importantly, Happy can edi. I wish you happy here.

I met tippie, xter and ah nam just now. Xter and Ah nam jst a quick one. Had an hr chat with tippie. Finally I realised we have grown up... Life is actually quite simple and i know him since 13. We dont meet often, we dont talk often, we dont call everyday, we meet once or twice in a year, but we still know each other well. Perhaps we are different. When things dont work out your way, stop and go away. When things go your way as wat you have planned, go ahead and leave the rest behind.

Good nite and take good care.

Love,

*Lovely*