The top 3

Maybe... Maybe Not...

I maybe in top 10
but not top 3.

1. U need time for yourself.
(That includes whatever u need,be it desire or routine).
2. Your work.
(No work no money how?)
3. Your family. They are your close one.
(If anything happen, you are the in-charge)

...In the past...
...marry-go-round was big and I was small...
...In the past...
...Xmas trees was tall and I was small...
...In the past...
...My school desk look plenty of space and I was small...
...In the past...
...It was past...


29 Jan 2010 10:05am
I always want to bring you in the past. Everytime I go alone especially new year they will ask where are you....
* Now you don't need to explain to anyone. Coz you keep 'us' under invincible status. *ouch ouch ouch*

... In the past... These 3 words give me sharp pain. *Poke poke poke*
... In the presense...?
... In the future...?

... That's why i feel like a mistress now.
... That's why you are least interested now.
... That's why you refused to know so much so u can have a longer life.

I am not sure if this is so-call a second chance or second patch back. but one thing I always believe, one hand can not clap and life is within our own hand. We have the right to mold it to our desire of how we want it to be.

Be responsible of what you do, what you say, what you think and what you plan. If you continue to live in the past and never want to make the future better, I am sorry. I give up. truly!*

It is hard to compromise when we both are from 2 different country. One has to be supporter while the other be the driver. I am always the supporter and I need you to be the supporter sometimes. Especially during long weekend holiday. I just hope you can give me this privilege, thats all I ask. If happen we get married, don't worry, they will understand. They will let me stay here with you until 2nd day or whenever the visitation done.

All i need is just this simple thing. I dont see my family often, I need long break to go back else it will be too tiring for me. I need you to be with me (i hope) whenever we plan to go home. I seek your understanding! None of my ex can tolerate this and this is a pain for me. They are not supportive at all.

If not, I will just stay single. Since r/s is so troublesome and no one can tolerate and step back. *Sigh*.

*Pain-Lovely*

Mark this day

With KISS.
A memorable one, I think.

I think I am over sensible or rather sensitive. *frown*
Oh well, not sure if I got wrong signal or message. Oh well, again, ignore.

2 more weeks gonna be CNY. Can I still get ang pow?
Seems to me things changed.
Some people say chicken, horse, rabbit, pig will do well in 2010.
I am not being superstitious but they also say cancer (horoscope), no pink nail polish. It will bring me bad luck.

Oh well, what should I believe in then? I think myself, so-call, if he loves u, he loves u.
Yes, we should prepare umbrella before it rains. But don't you think this is too much hassle?

Today I went for an interview. It took me less than 30mins or 20? Long story!
Anyway, long story cut short, I ask question before the interviewer started to talk and I think that's not what I want then I tell the interviewer I am not interested. Then we end there. *Big eyes shine* *Blink Blink*

I have never tried this before and I feel amazingly daring. *Shiver*
Oh well, I guess my heart feels right and I am very clear of what I want and what I need in life.
So, go for it!
Why should you or I waste time on uncertain stuffs and continue to be fooling around?
Life is short. So go for what you think it's right!

Speaking of which, I had a nightmare and woke up extremely tired. I can't remember what the hell was that.
Maybe during my 'aunty visit', I intend to be more emotional.
Emotional this word is in my weaknesses list.
But lucky my independency helps abit.
I think I just can never rely or take thing for granted for 1 minute.

I am tired. I need holiday and rest and love and food and FUN!

I know I have this silly idea that 'might' make people worry about me.
I think I want to go to an island for awhile. I know I can't afford to stop working, I know it was just a dream yesterday. But I wish to have a chance to explore something different. How ar?

I  am probably too old to try new thing? In fact, I know I can't live without a job if I want my family to move to a new place. And I dont have a job now or soon.
Did I make a wrong move? No I think.
No matter what, how, I will still fork out the money. I just got to do more part time and get more jobs in.
As long as I am happy and enjoy every moment. I don't think with lesser salary will make me cry everyday.
I am sure I can always make something out from there.

I need support and love to get me thru this. *laugh*
Do you think human are all selfish? Do you think if one person has no intention on the other, he/she would help? I guess not even your loved one would, coz he/she has his/hers own prob. So who else left to offer help?

*Lovely-who-has-small-feet*

The Magic Word

Yes! I do! *claps*
Yes! I am ready! *blow whistle*
Yes! Let's do it! Yes! Yes! Yes! *uhmp!*

Yes! I am getting married! Yes! You heard me right! I am getting married! *laugh*

I am going to quit my job and prepare my wedding. Yeah! You got it right! that's the spirit!
Feeling great and feeling overwhelmed now. *Wink*

Starting few days need to get myself relax and use to the environment first. I don't need to wake up early and think about what to do first when I get into office. What needs to be done at which hour and what are the deadlines I have for today... *stress*

I can eat anytime, shit anywhere, sleep anyhow. I can bathe whenever I feel hot, I can stare and dream whenever I feel like it. I can pack the house whichever way I think it's nice. I can even do my scrap book when I feel like coloring. *Grin* Life is great!!

Then after atleast 3 days later, sit down and think what wedding theme that we want. Disney? Safari? Garden? Pool Side? Candy? Retro? Kiddy? Dreamy? Need to google for more fun ideas.. Oh yea! Wedding planner? Is it better? How much is the cost? Will they make me more prettier? Sweeter? Lovelier? *Wink*

Since Sentosa is going to have theme park, and they going to have parade with disney characters. What about I be one of the princess for the day? *Smile* I think that would be a very good publicity for us. Maybe we can be famous after that or they will hire me as one of the princess later? *Shiok myself*

Anyway, maybe we should do that before anyone else grab that idea.

After the theme, here comes the dresses and gown part. What type of color and shape suit me? What kind of tux that will make the groom looks more gorgeous? Is A line nice or short one more cute for me? Or should we try a long one with long tail? Still in trend? What color gown that suits me best? I am dark and I can't afford a dull color. So what now? *confused*

I am short and I don't want to wear too high heels. Where to get nice shoes? If the heels too expensive then one time off abit not worth it. So I should go for the normal yet elegant type of heels. Can wear to function or ball or whatever in the future. Just hope it wont spoil so soon. *laugh*

Then, what's next? Wedding photos. Wow! big thing! Google what kind of pictures we want which is something unique and fun! *Smile* Should we wear gown during pre-shoot? Outdoor where should we go? Wedding gown photos in studio? Er....how? I love seeing nice pictures, I need to spend more time on this. Cant waste any money on this but to make it fulfilling. *love*

Oh then wedding banquet. Where? How many guest are we inviting? How should we have it? Typical chinese or western or mix or how? Hotel? Restaurant? Cafe? Beach? *laugh out loud* What about Kallang longkang? Can we do something like beach wedding dinner? Windy and cosy. but if rain hor..*touch wood*  then we will have to think of something. If it really rain on the wedding day, I will definately push all the blames to you. Blame on you that you didn't supply enough and God says you are stingy! Get it? *laugh* so go work on it and set me more budget! *Salute* Yes Madam!

Then wat else? Invitation card? Wedding Car? Hen's party? Bachalor's Party? New house and deco? Are we not going to see each other before the wedding day? Church ceremoney in the morning? ROM venue? Guest List? Wow! catering or whatever idea! *Eyes rolling*.

*Cold sweat* This is enough to keep me busy for awhile. Doing reseach and arranging dates for viewing, food tasting and choosing materials need tons of hours. This is too stressful! I need more budget!!! *scream*. And I need more support and love! 

Sort out paper for invitation card. Printing. Arhh! go home I show you how much research I have done and what materials I have bought. Maybe I can do my own invitation card. hand made should be something unique and memorable. Oh ya! guest book to sign off. Wow! how dare me!

Wow! This gonna make me busy and my tai-tai'ship is so far so good. People around me gonna be jealous!

Alrite. Time to wake up. *Alarm rings*

It's just a dream.

Yawn

AM NOT READY.

CNY is here around the corner. and I am not ready for it.
I am worry it will be a 'come & go' type. I need a longer break.

*Laugh out loud*
I am sorry. I cant help it.
If you know me for long, you should know I cant pronouce V and W and twist my tougue like no body business like the RRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr sound. Lucky I am not Indian, else I will be the odd one. Ah Huh! I am not saying I am not now. I am now the extraordinary one! *Wink*

Anyway, this company is hiring call "Wiz Werx", which has the most F'king Irritating online application ever on earth. If I got the job, I will have bloody hell hard time pronouncing my own company name. So I decided not to apply it. *Laugh out loud*

Well, now adays lots of jobs go thru recruitment agency. Seriously wasting time. *Sigh...* anyway, jst do what I can. Now I am looking for client side job. Guess that's what my heart feels like and I think I will jst work towards what I have planned for this year. A brand exec or any along this line would be fine for me.

I am so looking forward to the long week holiday. I wont get paid but I think I long for one after all incidents happened. It feels like it just happened yesterday.

Alrite. I found something interesting. Will play with it and post it up soon.

Keep a look out for the new invention soon!
Oh yea! got a note from someone. Say my blog's pic very nice. I think this person is froom HK. :D I am glad that ppl do read my blog and I am glad it is still alive. *Yeah*

Keep it up!

Btw, will have more pictures soon. Gonna go travel sooooon..yes! yes! yes!

.Halovely. (Happy+Lovely)

Life cycle

Relieved & Reset & Restart

I tendered this morning. Boss shake head and I grin. Relieved.
141 sercon not taking me. Reset.
This thursday I am going for another interview. Restart.

Life cycles every (average) 2 years.

Time to pick up and go hunt again. The most tiring thing to do in life.
How I wish I am now a primary school student. *Dream*

I am risk taker.
I don't have a job.
There are ppl counting on me.
I am rebelious.
I very tired.
I want a life.
There are ppl counting on me.
I am restless.
I need love.
I want to settle down.
There are ppl counting on me.
I am still a woman.
How I can going out without spending single cent?
How I can be the 'open palm' instead?
How I can be the spoil brad?
How? How? How?

Life is cruel.. I wish I am the youngest and born with a silver spoon.

.Tirovely.

Awesomeness

Life is awesome with you!
Just you alone.

Life is tasty with you!
Just you alone.

Life is sweet with you!
Just you alone.

No others.

24 Jan 2010 6:40am
B ah bb I'm home now. Managed to clear alot of work. Tomorrow or latero no need to go back office. Can sleep in and work from home edi. Sigh miss you. Dunno if we are staying together it would be nice or bad :(

Sorry bb, I know. Even my parents worry and dunno what is happening to me. All I hope is you trust me. I just want a future with good life later. now work hard nvm. Sometimes I think I'm selfishh to wish you will be there when I come home... But then I know you can't sleep well waiting for me so I'll feel bad and cannot work hard also... Sigh

24 Jan 2010 2:51pm
I just woke up. Reading your message again what's the only way for you to stop worrying? Me to leave totally? If that helps than maybe I will do that.

I'm awake fully didn't sleep well cause of what you said. I also feel very far apart from you and it hurts. I got problem now also u dun talk to my friend. I upset with you also I dun share with my friends. You still confide with francis... I'm alone. I worked hard yesterday so today hopefully we can go east coast take picture. But after what you said yesterday I feel down and dunno if I want to ask you out.

Maybe what you say is not clear or maybe I dun feel safe also. Anyway you want to go beach? We can take photo and have dinner there. But must let me so some work at home first. Pick you at 5.

I think there are few things I want to clear here.
Before you think or act futher, please always remember, dont ever act like a kid and dont ever act irresponsible. I'm not secondary and I am not a replacement where you think you can anytime kick me off or call me in. I am a human and I am just a girl who needs love.

1. I will continue to worry about your safety no matter what even if I'm not staying with you, I will still do so.
If you think this will distract you from working hard then sorry. I will just stop. I don't want and I don't mean to interrupt you or draw your attention away. I dare not to sms you or call you when there's no reply coz I worry I will distract you. Let me know what works best for you. R/S is not about you or me alone. It is about US, we both!

2. There is nothing to talk about or complain about to your friends. I hardly talk to them coz they have their own life. Of coz there's need, they will prompt me. If not they will still go bek to you. We hardly meet and everyone knows we have 'broke up'. So what's there to talk about me and u? Max is they will tell me about your new gf. Where you bring your gf to and when you go to your gf's place. This your creation and you should feel proud of what you have created. This is aint fair to me FYI. If one day ppl tell you they see me dating with another guy out there, should you believe them or me? When you make up story, have you thought of consequences? Or unless those things are truth. Let's get over it.
I don't think there's anything I want to complain about us.

3. Working hard to have a better future is a good morale. But who would promise you to bring you a better future or better life in the future if you work hard? Do you know what would happen to you tomoro or even an hr later? Answer is NO. Treausre whatever you have and live everyday like your last day. No matter how rich you are now, you can't bring all treasures down with you. U get what I mean? All I long for is happiness and fullfillment.
When my hearts tell me to do. I follow my heart. That's how I persue my happiness.

4. Why don't you feel safe? You feel something? You feel either you can't give me more or you think I have someone else? The truth is Yes. There are few ppl after me. But I am NOT bloody hell interested. Coz I am still waiting for you.
Remember I told you once during the very first month I shifted out? No matter what do not doubt my love to you. Do you still remember? If you don't remember, please read back my old blog pages. Do not doubt what I say and If I can't fulfill it, I will not anyhow throw out from my mouth. U have my word.

Anyway, this year CNY will be something different. I wish you will have a few days break so that we can go holiday. But I doubt you can now. Just enjoy yourself. I think I will be away for few days. Time to do soul searching.

Enjoy your week ahead.I had a nice night with you though it's just a short hang out.
Be able to kiss you is my pleasure. Kissing you on your lips is something I crave for everyday. I want to feel the tenderness and softness of your lips again.

Well, wish me luck for tomoro's tendering and good news for interview or 141sercon or whichever.

*Lovely*

With me..

Where fun starts here!

I love my new polaroid camera! I think it is worth it coz I am having fun with it now! Old time has gone and now new thing has just arrived.  I am so going to play with it during CNY.

Afterall, I am just not so ...... I know how to keep memory and generate more! Gonna buy a marker to doodle on the photos and start my new sketch book!

Oh ya..what shall I name this cam? Pink and bulky... erm.... Pink Bull?

I am going to name my sketch book, The fun starts here and everyday with more memories.

Awesome I think. *smile*

*Pink Bull-Lovely*