I am not a good girl friend.
26 dec 6:26pm
I miss you alot I still love you I feel bad not being able to give you present cause I'm broke. Just bear a couple more days my cheque clear I will be fine. I am sorry I am sick. I just want to take care of you do much and feel very down. I can only hope you wont give up... Muaks.
A righteous man is cautious in friendship (Prov 12:26)
Re-cap, I just want to keep all the sms from you that warm my heart so much. I know I have not been acting kind today and I am simply annoyed and irritated.
I am sorry if i have hurt you and timidity never got anyone anything. So I am going to tell you what I want here and again, dont get me wrong, this is not against you or blaming you. I just want to be direct and get things clear and done. Please dont get me wrong okay baby.
1. I never ask for present. I need your heart and love. Who cares abt xmas present when you dont give with love? I appreciate your thought to prepare it, dont think becoz i made something for you and you must return me a favour. never ever think that way okay. We used to celebrate random annivesary and wat not. There should not be a reason to buy a gift. I buy when i feel like it. I cancel my gym membership becoz to save that little money for you and us. If you need money, pls ask. This savings meant for you since your salary is not in on a regular basis. Please dont buy me any present. I dont want anything but you your love and heart. I need us to grow closer.
2. Are we still in a r/s? I guess not. I am super disappointed abt this. Tell me which part of us look like a couple other than texting each other everyday. and refering back to my previous blog, how many sms and calls we made? further more this is a long weekend, it's christmas (well, over!). Did we even meet?
We dont go out as often as before. Seems to me you are hiding and you scared to being seen in public with me. I feel really sad. Tell me, what would you do if you love the person? This is why it got me so pissed today. You told me last nite say wanted to tell me abt your dream and we supposed to meet up too. which now going to be sunday soon. no more saturday. I was disappointed. Very... Each time you tell me you will wan to share with me things but ended nothing. I wait and wait... *dry up*. I dont want to hear sorry. How many sorry can there be in your entire life? If my uncle can get back his life by saying sorry, i would say it every minute. Dont say sorry to me.I hate feeling sorry... i just want to treasure every minute i have without wasting it further..
3. I sms you, update my blog, write FB msg and etc so that you know what's going on with me daily. If I have a proper schedule, I would have text you everything like that day. but after all, i feel cold. Somehow, I feel, I am jst doing it for no purpose. I go out, i have entertainment, i ask you to come along and you are not interested. You go out, you nv bring me nv even inform me nevermind. like I say, im not your gf anymore. coz the whole world aware about this and by action, we dont live like one. I am sad. F'king irritated. (forgive me, i jst want to share with you about my feeling.) If you serious dont want anyone to know abt us, tell me, at least i know what to do. i would feel much thankful if you can be more open up..
I am hoping for a return from you, everyday i have been waiting for you. Hope you will start changing your mind and hope we can get better life. but again, my stupidity proof my idiotity right. I know you hate rain so that I ask u not to come over. when you called, there was an incoming call. So i guess you have your own plan. And you never bother to explain. Thats hurt. I dont want to repeat your path coz i know i will never want my partner to treat me that way. I want him to know everything abt me, i want him to be the closest to my world. I believe you know.
4. By telling me you love me and you miss me, i feel touched. You ask me not to give up, yes thanks, i wont.And i say you give 10% i give 110% in return. i mean it and I will deliver. I would love to keep my heart sweet and love growing. but i need support. A gardener cant grow the plants by just watering them everyday. They need more than just water. They need protection and love to grow stronger. Sometimes i jst dont know how to react. All i can do is keep giving. Give until it hurts, coz real love hurts.
Well, this is the last long weekend we have. then I will be away and the next long week will be in CNY. 2010 will be a short year to me. i want to treasure my 2010 as much as possible and this will be my 3rd year in singapore. And dont worry, i will never want to repeat all these again. like i say, i cant change the past, but i can make the future better. i dont want to bring forward anything, especially unhappy things that will affect my heart. Coz i want to continue to be loving. Dont dont get angry.. after i pour it out, i feel much better. ignore me if i say anything offended you. forgive me and i dun mean to hurt you. okay?
Thanks for punishing me. this helps me to grow! Im not perfect but i believe im slightly better.. humble abit. *laugh*
Alrite... enjoy your rest of the weekend.. I hope im not too pushy.. and you have your freedom. i dont want to force you. Im open for anything, just tell me everything.
good bye.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of like (Prov 13:12)
*lovely*
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Forgiveness, Reconcilation & Trust
...Thought we have been here before, where things happened, you apologized, we got right back together, and nothing really changed. So this time, I want us to figure out a way to work towards getting back togother when i feel as though you are doing something different I can trust.
I am sorry but I have to learn to trust you again, and that has to be based on your actions. And you know it takes two to tango. I dont want you feeling as if I'm holding it against you. If we have desire to continue the r/s and we need to work through significant issues.
I feel like im living in darkness. There won't be a future if we keep doubting on each other's life. Im guessing abt your faily life and you are suspecting me. I want to trust you, I want you to know I am open and transparent enough to share my world with you.
I am disappointed and annoyed.. I just want to get over this quickly.
I am sorry if I have put you down. I just dont know how to react. I just want you to be more open to me and tell me things. We are far apart, with my own strenght, we cant go far. Unless I am walking alone.
Tell me what you want and what we can do. Please....
I will be here...
*lovely*
...Thought we have been here before, where things happened, you apologized, we got right back together, and nothing really changed. So this time, I want us to figure out a way to work towards getting back togother when i feel as though you are doing something different I can trust.
I am sorry but I have to learn to trust you again, and that has to be based on your actions. And you know it takes two to tango. I dont want you feeling as if I'm holding it against you. If we have desire to continue the r/s and we need to work through significant issues.
I feel like im living in darkness. There won't be a future if we keep doubting on each other's life. Im guessing abt your faily life and you are suspecting me. I want to trust you, I want you to know I am open and transparent enough to share my world with you.
I am disappointed and annoyed.. I just want to get over this quickly.
I am sorry if I have put you down. I just dont know how to react. I just want you to be more open to me and tell me things. We are far apart, with my own strenght, we cant go far. Unless I am walking alone.
Tell me what you want and what we can do. Please....
I will be here...
*lovely*
怎么会狠心伤害我
Pain.
Where have you been yesterday or last night?
Tell me.
YES please, tell me the whole thing.
Please.
This is important to me.
Thank you for offering and asking me if I will move back with you.
You told me you had nightmare and you were scared. That's so sweet.
But "what if" there wasn't any? Tell me what would happen to us?
You say, since I have changed, so should be okie.
but "what if" I never? Tell me what would happen to us?
I told you, you will need to consider few things.
I don't mean to put you down, but I was hurt bcoz of last nite.
I told you, you are irresponsible.
And you replied me say, if we were to stay together again, you will be like last time.
but "what if" we never? Tell me what would happen to us?
Can you see the whole picture? It is all about me. That's me. And only me.
Yes, you need to see my action before you start your plan and be who you are and start giving.
but "what if" I think the same way too? Wait for miracle to happen? Does that mean both will never see any good result turn out?
Yes. There is no "what if". There is only possibility, yes or no.
I try not to be defensive and rude. I try to use better words so that we both won't get upset or make the whole r/s worse than before. I try to speak straight to the point until im speechless and I am blank.
You need assurance, you have fear, you lack of confidence, i offer to be the leader to boost up what you need. And I will deal with mine behind.
Life isnt fair. Yes. I wish in a r/s you will love me more.
but i don't feel appreciated and neglected during this few months.
Im not blaming you. Dont get me wrong. I just want to share with you few things then im all done.
I hate being in such situation. All of your friends think we are no long together. Coz you behave that way. And you told them you want me to move out. That's hurt from the very first day until today. Yes. you gave alot. but does that mean you can kill my heart like that? This is the very first thing draw us away and this is the very issue that disconnect me from you. This is a shame to me.
Secondly, you told your close friend about us. And being so secretive until the whole world say you and her. It is not that I don't trust you. Again, you behave as such. How could I believe 100%ly? You never bother to explain and this make me hanging and i feel useless and hopeless. This is hurt. This took me months to overcome.
third, moving out is your choice. You never share with me what's your plan. I would love to hear from you and always so. I pick up myself from no where and I was like an idiot keep waiting for you. I cried, almost everyday. Coz i feel hurt. even now. I have dealed with my fear and nonsense, dont worry.
I have never restrict you from hanging out with your friends. Since you ask me to repect you, your privacy, I give it all to you. You changed your password, you went out with your friends never tell me until the very last min (thats ok coz you never bring me with you), you have plans during weekend and you ask me if we shld meet up at night.
Share me your thoughts, how many times you told me we meeting and ended up nothing? Dont say say or bring it thru even if you have no intention of doing it. Please. Help me with this. I sincerely hope that nothing goes wrong anymore. i love you and how you are the most important person on the earth to me. But something you do sometimes makes my heart soft of go away.
All i need from you is be more responsible. Commitment is not easy to handle. Once you say yes, I shall trust you in handling them nicely, coz you are the man of the house and in us. I love and value so many things about you.
I love the effort that you put in and the time we have together means alot to me, and your lateness robs me of what I really desire - to have good time with you. Do you mean there's nothing can motive you anymore? Seeing me is something so boring? *laugh* perhaps not boring but irritating.. Tell me, i dont mind. I hope we can clear away all doubts and misunderstanding and move on together.
I always love to stay with you stick to you and be with you. You may want to take those things into consideration. 1, you friends will know about this. I care what they are thinking. Coz i hate being judged and I hate rumours. I need to protect our reputation and i want us to be the perfect sample for all of them.
2, Your privacy. Again, you need to make it clear what can be shared and what not. You know the taste of living together. Im not pushing you, I just want you to understand if you are ready for it. I don't want to irritate you and ended up not happy and ask me to move away again. And during this season, all you need is plenty of supports for your career. I refuse to be anyone's burden. I love to have you but if this is too much for you, i will step back.
3, Responsibilty. This is the most biggest commitment in a r/s. This include delivery of promises, willing to commit in a r/s fully until the extend of giving up being who you are, sacrifices and to change to suit the environment and your partner.
Tell me share me your most inner thoughts. I am always here for you, 24/7 x 365days x 100 years.
When times are right, everything will start to fall at its place nicely.
I am sorry to write you such long nonsense. There are things i seriously dunno how to speak out. I scared I might hurt you or cry infront of you. This is why i chose to ask you to go sleep last nite. Forgive me my stupidity.
Love you always & happy boxing day.
- lovely -
Pain.
Where have you been yesterday or last night?
Tell me.
YES please, tell me the whole thing.
Please.
This is important to me.
Thank you for offering and asking me if I will move back with you.
You told me you had nightmare and you were scared. That's so sweet.
But "what if" there wasn't any? Tell me what would happen to us?
You say, since I have changed, so should be okie.
but "what if" I never? Tell me what would happen to us?
I told you, you will need to consider few things.
I don't mean to put you down, but I was hurt bcoz of last nite.
I told you, you are irresponsible.
And you replied me say, if we were to stay together again, you will be like last time.
but "what if" we never? Tell me what would happen to us?
Can you see the whole picture? It is all about me. That's me. And only me.
Yes, you need to see my action before you start your plan and be who you are and start giving.
but "what if" I think the same way too? Wait for miracle to happen? Does that mean both will never see any good result turn out?
Yes. There is no "what if". There is only possibility, yes or no.
I try not to be defensive and rude. I try to use better words so that we both won't get upset or make the whole r/s worse than before. I try to speak straight to the point until im speechless and I am blank.
You need assurance, you have fear, you lack of confidence, i offer to be the leader to boost up what you need. And I will deal with mine behind.
Life isnt fair. Yes. I wish in a r/s you will love me more.
but i don't feel appreciated and neglected during this few months.
Im not blaming you. Dont get me wrong. I just want to share with you few things then im all done.
I hate being in such situation. All of your friends think we are no long together. Coz you behave that way. And you told them you want me to move out. That's hurt from the very first day until today. Yes. you gave alot. but does that mean you can kill my heart like that? This is the very first thing draw us away and this is the very issue that disconnect me from you. This is a shame to me.
Secondly, you told your close friend about us. And being so secretive until the whole world say you and her. It is not that I don't trust you. Again, you behave as such. How could I believe 100%ly? You never bother to explain and this make me hanging and i feel useless and hopeless. This is hurt. This took me months to overcome.
third, moving out is your choice. You never share with me what's your plan. I would love to hear from you and always so. I pick up myself from no where and I was like an idiot keep waiting for you. I cried, almost everyday. Coz i feel hurt. even now. I have dealed with my fear and nonsense, dont worry.
I have never restrict you from hanging out with your friends. Since you ask me to repect you, your privacy, I give it all to you. You changed your password, you went out with your friends never tell me until the very last min (thats ok coz you never bring me with you), you have plans during weekend and you ask me if we shld meet up at night.
Share me your thoughts, how many times you told me we meeting and ended up nothing? Dont say say or bring it thru even if you have no intention of doing it. Please. Help me with this. I sincerely hope that nothing goes wrong anymore. i love you and how you are the most important person on the earth to me. But something you do sometimes makes my heart soft of go away.
All i need from you is be more responsible. Commitment is not easy to handle. Once you say yes, I shall trust you in handling them nicely, coz you are the man of the house and in us. I love and value so many things about you.
I love the effort that you put in and the time we have together means alot to me, and your lateness robs me of what I really desire - to have good time with you. Do you mean there's nothing can motive you anymore? Seeing me is something so boring? *laugh* perhaps not boring but irritating.. Tell me, i dont mind. I hope we can clear away all doubts and misunderstanding and move on together.
I always love to stay with you stick to you and be with you. You may want to take those things into consideration. 1, you friends will know about this. I care what they are thinking. Coz i hate being judged and I hate rumours. I need to protect our reputation and i want us to be the perfect sample for all of them.
2, Your privacy. Again, you need to make it clear what can be shared and what not. You know the taste of living together. Im not pushing you, I just want you to understand if you are ready for it. I don't want to irritate you and ended up not happy and ask me to move away again. And during this season, all you need is plenty of supports for your career. I refuse to be anyone's burden. I love to have you but if this is too much for you, i will step back.
3, Responsibilty. This is the most biggest commitment in a r/s. This include delivery of promises, willing to commit in a r/s fully until the extend of giving up being who you are, sacrifices and to change to suit the environment and your partner.
Tell me share me your most inner thoughts. I am always here for you, 24/7 x 365days x 100 years.
When times are right, everything will start to fall at its place nicely.
I am sorry to write you such long nonsense. There are things i seriously dunno how to speak out. I scared I might hurt you or cry infront of you. This is why i chose to ask you to go sleep last nite. Forgive me my stupidity.
Love you always & happy boxing day.
- lovely -
Friday, December 25, 2009
Leave me alone if you have no idea how to treasure me and my heart.
Thank you.
Disappointed.
I am speechless and I am really disappointed.
I take each of your single word into heart and waiting patiently at home thought we will be meeting at night. Atleast we could just spend alittle time during this special day. I seriously feel like an ............. I would appreciate atleast you call/text to inform me.
Nevermind..
Your choice.
I told myself not to give up and hope high. but..
Nevermind..
Your decision.
I am hurt.. Deeply.. and unhappy about it.. I know Im not important to you....
It is alrite.
We have different view about commitment.
I don't know what to say anymore.
All the words disappear from my mind
and im blank, totally.
Perhaps I take things too serious...
Maybe you are right.
This is not something you can predict, simply because nothing motives your interest in it.
Or ... your heart is not here anymore.
If i push you to hard,
i am sorry.
My fault.
I shall stop bothering you.
I am sorry.
Forget abt this &
Enjoy your Christmas day.
-lovely-
Thank you.
Disappointed.
I am speechless and I am really disappointed.
I take each of your single word into heart and waiting patiently at home thought we will be meeting at night. Atleast we could just spend alittle time during this special day. I seriously feel like an ............. I would appreciate atleast you call/text to inform me.
Nevermind..
Your choice.
I told myself not to give up and hope high. but..
Nevermind..
Your decision.
I am hurt.. Deeply.. and unhappy about it.. I know Im not important to you....
It is alrite.
We have different view about commitment.
I don't know what to say anymore.
All the words disappear from my mind
and im blank, totally.
Perhaps I take things too serious...
Maybe you are right.
This is not something you can predict, simply because nothing motives your interest in it.
Or ... your heart is not here anymore.
If i push you to hard,
i am sorry.
My fault.
I shall stop bothering you.
I am sorry.
Forget abt this &
Enjoy your Christmas day.
-lovely-
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!!! & Happy 2010!
Ho! ho! ho! Why did santa's wife slap him?
Because he kept calling her a ho! (slang for whore)...
I think she is a whore.. Santa so fat and old, the wife so young and pretty. She is definately a whore... *opps..giggle*
Hmm... Santan didn't come last nite. Wonder if the window too small or 13th floor too high for him. Ohh... I think GPS can't locate these new blocks.. *wondering*
!@#$ u lor... your text msg seriously perk me up... *Love*
25 Dec 2009 11:45am
He never even come to 5th floor shag makes you think he will go 13th? haha merry Xmas
Well, i have presents from... Cylester aka secret buddy in office gift exchange (yet to open), Carol (Crabtree and Evelyn lotion), Fiona & Sharon (yet to find out but from action city), Adrian (biscuit), Wilson (Snow man and Christmas tree and small cupcake donut, I only took the small cupcake, the rest taken by Darlene and Bryon)... This is all... :) Mom says next week i go bek i will have my surprises.. Think she got me a new cupboard. And guess what.. today is the spring cleaning day...
My sis hates it! And she told me she found lots of my old photos with my ex.. I know this is not a good time to talk abt. But well, i love to share this with you. My mom say she will cut and burn the pictures.. Let by gone be by gone and she knows i care about your feeling.. Wow! i am touched... Hooray!!!! I love you mom!!!
She finally get my point and she finally let me take charge.. Finally... i feel old again...she says I have been working outside for so long.. She knows i can handle things and judge myself. She respects my decision and she wants me to be happy and not to worry about home. *sob sob* I am such useless rite? She will continue to worry until she sees me settle down my life and have my own family. Guess this is the only wish from all parent. Well, let's plan and see what can i do...
I bought myself gifts like little man usb port. Office ppl and my boss love it.. They even love my thumb drive, toys on the table, stationery whatever on my table. They just find I am the weird one. *am i?*
Well, this year i didn't buy anything. Last year i bought alot of things for my family. This year i only bought one for myself and made one gift for my loved one. *sweet*
2009 is some sort of a not quite good year for me. Changed jobs and my uncle passed away. Year end disaster. Life is short... *sad*
Well, pray next year things will be better and smoother! woohoooo!!! *cheers* Today 12am can open the presents edi... Sure MCC and LPP don't let me touch it... *laugh* Both of them hug the presents like its already part of their body... Let's see how to steal the presents from them over midnite... *Evil laugh*...
Not really excited about those presents but well, just part of the process.. So i got to do it! *yea yea* i got presents.. *laugh out loud* oh man...maybe because of my age and mentality, this just doesnt work... hahaha... shit la.. i feel old suddenly.... Maybe i should just do it a few more times.. *-_-lll*
but I enjoy buying presents.. Thinking what to buy, what theme party to do.. how to make the present more interesting... I love doing that instead of receiving.. oh no.. i seriously feel old.. Only mature ppl or parent think that way.. oh no!!! *Thunder & Lighting*..
Alrite.. now i hungry edi...I shld go buy chicken and think that is turkey then get ice lemon tea think that is beer and celebrate... *Joy* woohooo!!!
Thanks for sharing last nite abt you being touched for my past blog. I love hearing that..*sweet* Christmas is all about love and giving. Please do not doubt the love that I have for you.. Never go lesser but growing more each day..I love what we have build up and I love the love we share together... I love single little moment we spend together and I treasure them all. Please do not doubt my love to you anymore, never and ever. Please promise.. I do not want you to feel disconnected from me anymore. Please do tell me if you feel that way again..
Merry Christmas to you my love... *wink*
^Lovely^
Ho! ho! ho! Why did santa's wife slap him?
Because he kept calling her a ho! (slang for whore)...
I think she is a whore.. Santa so fat and old, the wife so young and pretty. She is definately a whore... *opps..giggle*
Hmm... Santan didn't come last nite. Wonder if the window too small or 13th floor too high for him. Ohh... I think GPS can't locate these new blocks.. *wondering*
!@#$ u lor... your text msg seriously perk me up... *Love*
25 Dec 2009 11:45am
He never even come to 5th floor shag makes you think he will go 13th? haha merry Xmas
Well, i have presents from... Cylester aka secret buddy in office gift exchange (yet to open), Carol (Crabtree and Evelyn lotion), Fiona & Sharon (yet to find out but from action city), Adrian (biscuit), Wilson (Snow man and Christmas tree and small cupcake donut, I only took the small cupcake, the rest taken by Darlene and Bryon)... This is all... :) Mom says next week i go bek i will have my surprises.. Think she got me a new cupboard. And guess what.. today is the spring cleaning day...
My sis hates it! And she told me she found lots of my old photos with my ex.. I know this is not a good time to talk abt. But well, i love to share this with you. My mom say she will cut and burn the pictures.. Let by gone be by gone and she knows i care about your feeling.. Wow! i am touched... Hooray!!!! I love you mom!!!
She finally get my point and she finally let me take charge.. Finally... i feel old again...she says I have been working outside for so long.. She knows i can handle things and judge myself. She respects my decision and she wants me to be happy and not to worry about home. *sob sob* I am such useless rite? She will continue to worry until she sees me settle down my life and have my own family. Guess this is the only wish from all parent. Well, let's plan and see what can i do...
I bought myself gifts like little man usb port. Office ppl and my boss love it.. They even love my thumb drive, toys on the table, stationery whatever on my table. They just find I am the weird one. *am i?*
Well, this year i didn't buy anything. Last year i bought alot of things for my family. This year i only bought one for myself and made one gift for my loved one. *sweet*
2009 is some sort of a not quite good year for me. Changed jobs and my uncle passed away. Year end disaster. Life is short... *sad*
Well, pray next year things will be better and smoother! woohoooo!!! *cheers* Today 12am can open the presents edi... Sure MCC and LPP don't let me touch it... *laugh* Both of them hug the presents like its already part of their body... Let's see how to steal the presents from them over midnite... *Evil laugh*...
Not really excited about those presents but well, just part of the process.. So i got to do it! *yea yea* i got presents.. *laugh out loud* oh man...maybe because of my age and mentality, this just doesnt work... hahaha... shit la.. i feel old suddenly.... Maybe i should just do it a few more times.. *-_-lll*
but I enjoy buying presents.. Thinking what to buy, what theme party to do.. how to make the present more interesting... I love doing that instead of receiving.. oh no.. i seriously feel old.. Only mature ppl or parent think that way.. oh no!!! *Thunder & Lighting*..
Alrite.. now i hungry edi...I shld go buy chicken and think that is turkey then get ice lemon tea think that is beer and celebrate... *Joy* woohooo!!!
Thanks for sharing last nite abt you being touched for my past blog. I love hearing that..*sweet* Christmas is all about love and giving. Please do not doubt the love that I have for you.. Never go lesser but growing more each day..I love what we have build up and I love the love we share together... I love single little moment we spend together and I treasure them all. Please do not doubt my love to you anymore, never and ever. Please promise.. I do not want you to feel disconnected from me anymore. Please do tell me if you feel that way again..
Merry Christmas to you my love... *wink*
^Lovely^
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Half day & Half dead!
Today is Christmas Eve! Woohoo! Merry Christmas and merrrrry long weekend!!! *Cheers*
Half day and got home ard 2pm then ate then bathed and nap.. Feel so good! *Chippy*
But.... everyone is planning to go where and where to celebrate while i tell them... erm... i also got celebration... with my kids.... Sirotan, duckie, Girapoo, Bear Bear, MCC and LPP... They are all at home and hugging the Christmas presents! *Yeah!*
We ordered special ice-cream to daddy's house. and they kids say "Miss you daddy!!! Merry Christmas without us!!" Well, i know i screwed up... kids know i screwed up..Coz i was sad during the nite. *tears dropping*
Well, i promise no more delivery services and of coz im not saying i am gonna give up giving you surprises.. Never think that way. I will do what it takes to make the r/s going. simply because i care.
Well, before i ki siao... you better explain yourself first... what do you mean by your sms?
24 Dec 2009 7:43pm
What you mean good? Why marry you like that? Cheh so easy...
you have few choices. So please kindly explain further... I love to hear from you..
Hope you enjoy the ice cream.. nah! you are not fat..and this ice-cream wont make you gain 1kg. not even 10gm.... The most important thing is, Christmas is all about love and giving. We hope to give you the best and share the most precious with you in our lives.. Well, you mom did say during the phone call. R/s is all abt trust and encourage each other. Well, maybe this is just part of the process in life. We been thru, we taste it and we know what we want best.
Merry Christmas to you and love you..
*Oh oh...tell me when you free so I can deliver your gift to you. Must be before 30 Dec.*
^Lovely^
Today is Christmas Eve! Woohoo! Merry Christmas and merrrrry long weekend!!! *Cheers*
Half day and got home ard 2pm then ate then bathed and nap.. Feel so good! *Chippy*
But.... everyone is planning to go where and where to celebrate while i tell them... erm... i also got celebration... with my kids.... Sirotan, duckie, Girapoo, Bear Bear, MCC and LPP... They are all at home and hugging the Christmas presents! *Yeah!*
We ordered special ice-cream to daddy's house. and they kids say "Miss you daddy!!! Merry Christmas without us!!" Well, i know i screwed up... kids know i screwed up..Coz i was sad during the nite. *tears dropping*
Well, i promise no more delivery services and of coz im not saying i am gonna give up giving you surprises.. Never think that way. I will do what it takes to make the r/s going. simply because i care.
Well, before i ki siao... you better explain yourself first... what do you mean by your sms?
24 Dec 2009 7:43pm
What you mean good? Why marry you like that? Cheh so easy...
you have few choices. So please kindly explain further... I love to hear from you..
Hope you enjoy the ice cream.. nah! you are not fat..and this ice-cream wont make you gain 1kg. not even 10gm.... The most important thing is, Christmas is all about love and giving. We hope to give you the best and share the most precious with you in our lives.. Well, you mom did say during the phone call. R/s is all abt trust and encourage each other. Well, maybe this is just part of the process in life. We been thru, we taste it and we know what we want best.
Merry Christmas to you and love you..
*Oh oh...tell me when you free so I can deliver your gift to you. Must be before 30 Dec.*
^Lovely^
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I am hurt. Deeply hurt... *sobbing*
Can't get over it!!
Im hurt... really hurt... *Ouch...*
After 30mins of chewing the sotong shredded pieces, I feel better now.. Much better... *Emo*
My heart pain since the moment you sms me telling me about the call. My breath feel heavy and my whole body sore and my gastirc pain. *Sad*
Im not sure if this is fated or this is just not my luck. 5 deliveries in my entire life, 3 screwed up. and all 3 on you. suay or wat i dont know. I know this time i feel much worse than the other 2 times. First time birthday cup cakes, second time your birthday cake, third time ice-cream. I hope this ice-cream helps to make up abit later.
I love that ice-cream. That's why i try all my best to get it.. But didnt know it turn out this way...I am so sorry.. This ice-cream only meant for fine dining and we will sure love it if we were to have good food now.. *Love*
I save the nicest for you and your family at this special day, Christmas is all about love and giving. I didn't give you what you have deserved in the past and now i hope i can do something to perk up our r/s. but...buuttt..... I have failed you again... *CRY*.
Im hurt.. I don't know what to do next and I don't feel like doing anything anymore... I am a total loser. and I have give up on myself...
I am sorry. Wish you have a great christmas.....
*Heartbroken*
*Lovely*
Can't get over it!!
Im hurt... really hurt... *Ouch...*
After 30mins of chewing the sotong shredded pieces, I feel better now.. Much better... *Emo*
My heart pain since the moment you sms me telling me about the call. My breath feel heavy and my whole body sore and my gastirc pain. *Sad*
Im not sure if this is fated or this is just not my luck. 5 deliveries in my entire life, 3 screwed up. and all 3 on you. suay or wat i dont know. I know this time i feel much worse than the other 2 times. First time birthday cup cakes, second time your birthday cake, third time ice-cream. I hope this ice-cream helps to make up abit later.
I love that ice-cream. That's why i try all my best to get it.. But didnt know it turn out this way...I am so sorry.. This ice-cream only meant for fine dining and we will sure love it if we were to have good food now.. *Love*
I save the nicest for you and your family at this special day, Christmas is all about love and giving. I didn't give you what you have deserved in the past and now i hope i can do something to perk up our r/s. but...buuttt..... I have failed you again... *CRY*.
Im hurt.. I don't know what to do next and I don't feel like doing anything anymore... I am a total loser. and I have give up on myself...
I am sorry. Wish you have a great christmas.....
*Heartbroken*
*Lovely*
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Good to go!! Finally done! *phew*
Wow! I love it! They love it! opps.. ya.. i show 2 of my colleagues about my creation. Not sure if you will like and I do need courage and support to go on...Lately been lack of confidence. *Sigh*.. Yeah!!! overall good ratings!!
I just love these color combination. I can't wait to post up those photos I took. But...I can't.. *sob sob*.. Coz I must give to you first.. Else there won't be a surprise edi... *Blink Blink*
Oh yeah! a full day hard work worth more than what I've sweat out. You may not like it, but Love one another deeply, from the heart. (1 Peter 1:22) I love what I do, and I hope my love will touch your heart and draw you closer to my world. Touched? *Wink* *Love it*
Ohh well, I know sometimes I get hurt too easily, and that's not you, that's me. When you negate my words, I feel alone and unloved. *sad*. Now you drift apart from me, i feel disconnected and hurt. I keep bringing up some issues beecause they are important to me and I just want us to get closer than before. And I hope by sprinkle you with my little caring and love, will make things better, keep things moving. Sometimes I need your help to push me further, because that's how we learn what we want. I do wish to share your love equally with your career *cough cough* (FYI: of coz I do hope to have 80% of your love and attention and total you only have 100%), I know work is addictive. I do hope we will have time to talk. Comunication is the main tool to keep us going, I love you to story me. I love to hear from you, I want to know more about your daily life, not only problems but every single little thing.
We used to talk rubbish, nonsense and we even have word for the week. *Laugh* like release... That's the very first word we started off. *Shy*.. Remember?
*Love never dies! Love keeps our heart warm and make us happy in our daily life. Love is our daily bread and Love make us blush and cheerful* ... Oh dear, i hope you do feel something from my action. I promised and assured you that I will keep this going and I will not change my heart for you. Let my gift tells you the whole.
Check out the instruction manual soon.
Love you always. ^Lovely^
Love and Faithfulness meet together,righteousness and peace kiss each other. (Ps. 85:10)
Wow! I love it! They love it! opps.. ya.. i show 2 of my colleagues about my creation. Not sure if you will like and I do need courage and support to go on...Lately been lack of confidence. *Sigh*.. Yeah!!! overall good ratings!!
I just love these color combination. I can't wait to post up those photos I took. But...I can't.. *sob sob*.. Coz I must give to you first.. Else there won't be a surprise edi... *Blink Blink*
Oh yeah! a full day hard work worth more than what I've sweat out. You may not like it, but Love one another deeply, from the heart. (1 Peter 1:22) I love what I do, and I hope my love will touch your heart and draw you closer to my world. Touched? *Wink* *Love it*
Ohh well, I know sometimes I get hurt too easily, and that's not you, that's me. When you negate my words, I feel alone and unloved. *sad*. Now you drift apart from me, i feel disconnected and hurt. I keep bringing up some issues beecause they are important to me and I just want us to get closer than before. And I hope by sprinkle you with my little caring and love, will make things better, keep things moving. Sometimes I need your help to push me further, because that's how we learn what we want. I do wish to share your love equally with your career *cough cough* (FYI: of coz I do hope to have 80% of your love and attention and total you only have 100%), I know work is addictive. I do hope we will have time to talk. Comunication is the main tool to keep us going, I love you to story me. I love to hear from you, I want to know more about your daily life, not only problems but every single little thing.
We used to talk rubbish, nonsense and we even have word for the week. *Laugh* like release... That's the very first word we started off. *Shy*.. Remember?
*Love never dies! Love keeps our heart warm and make us happy in our daily life. Love is our daily bread and Love make us blush and cheerful* ... Oh dear, i hope you do feel something from my action. I promised and assured you that I will keep this going and I will not change my heart for you. Let my gift tells you the whole.
Check out the instruction manual soon.
Love you always. ^Lovely^
Love and Faithfulness meet together,righteousness and peace kiss each other. (Ps. 85:10)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Shoooooo my Monday Blue away!
Laugh my heart out!!!! hahahahahaha
I thought only love makes the heart melt. But... Butttt.... muahahahahahahahahaha!
Shit la! I think my wire something wrong..my engine just go wild again! hahahahahahaha!
This all started from the morning. Monday morning I got to go Bonia office to pick up CDs. Then will head to office to do the color proof. Then 11am got meeting at robinson rd CDL. then tot after that go Marina Blvd to pick up the sponsored prize. Then heng heng after i finished Bonia, on the way Darlene called say CDL meeting pushed to 5pm. Then i dropped by Marine Blvd to pick up prizes. Then walked bek to office. Weather was nice! but road uneven and dirty coz of the construction side. *Sweat*
Okay! come bek to the first thing I did when i woke up. Usually i wake up ard 7:40am. Exact time is 7:35am. Sometimes I need to wash clothes then i will wake up early. Then today i woke up at ard 8:10am. My aunt talked to me ard 7:50am ask if i not going to work. Shit la! woke me up! else i can sleep awhile more. Then woke up, fold my 'blanket' then saw MCC smilling. Coz i have 2 presents sitting on MCC & LPP. They look happy hugging them. *Cheerful*. *Please see below for the picture! Show time!!*
Laugh my heart out!!!! hahahahahaha
I thought only love makes the heart melt. But... Butttt.... muahahahahahahahahaha!
Shit la! I think my wire something wrong..my engine just go wild again! hahahahahahaha!
This all started from the morning. Monday morning I got to go Bonia office to pick up CDs. Then will head to office to do the color proof. Then 11am got meeting at robinson rd CDL. then tot after that go Marina Blvd to pick up the sponsored prize. Then heng heng after i finished Bonia, on the way Darlene called say CDL meeting pushed to 5pm. Then i dropped by Marine Blvd to pick up prizes. Then walked bek to office. Weather was nice! but road uneven and dirty coz of the construction side. *Sweat*
Okay! come bek to the first thing I did when i woke up. Usually i wake up ard 7:40am. Exact time is 7:35am. Sometimes I need to wash clothes then i will wake up early. Then today i woke up at ard 8:10am. My aunt talked to me ard 7:50am ask if i not going to work. Shit la! woke me up! else i can sleep awhile more. Then woke up, fold my 'blanket' then saw MCC smilling. Coz i have 2 presents sitting on MCC & LPP. They look happy hugging them. *Cheerful*. *Please see below for the picture! Show time!!*
Imagine early morning i arrange them for photo shoot. hahahahahaha mad right? And you still remember you will grant me my wish if i can make him smile again?? *puzzled* Now i have made it!!! See! He smiles with big *GRIN* hahahahahaha
After i took that pic, i went to bathe then dress up then go Bonia office. Then ard 11+am, we had our lucky draw! woohoo! everyone hoping to get something nice home. hahaha of coz me too. I havent been getting any present or gift from lucky draw already. *emo* sad rite?
Anyway, the final draw was between me and Johari. They said every year lucky draw he will get nice prize. So we were competing each for the first prize. hahahahahahaha *hiccup* opps..... I got it!!!! yeah!!!!
*wink* *peace* hahaha... i won $500 Hugo Boss voucher. But i plan to sell it. *Wait* Dont be upset ya! It is not that i dont want to give you, like i say, from the first day wen i do this sponsorship, i edi plan to win this and give it to you as your christmas present or CNY new clothes. The thing is, the T&C wont allow us to have so much freedom in making our choice. So i decided to sell it then have the cash. with cash, you can buy whatever you want. Dont be upset ok? If you have anyone want to buy from me also i dun mind. I just want to keep the cash so that you can buy new clothes.
Today is a happy Monday. I thought today want to have Manja Monday. Coz monday usually blue. Oh well! maybe tomorrow will be Emo Tuesday. *Sad*
Anderson on urgent leave and will only be back to work next week Monday. Kinda worry about him. Heard that his mom in hospital and say his msn post "Please wake up". I abit.... *sweat*. Well, everyone in office keep asking around if he is okay. I dare not to ask him anything worried that might add on his burden. But well, just pray that he is strong enough to handle everything.
What about you? Are you okay? I was so happy since sunday and slept so well since last nite. Thinking about you all day and want to share this happy monday with you. but guess you were too busy.. Let me know when can i call you, coz i dont want to interupt you and i feel *hurt* when my call got rejected. Well, i do understand you need to help to build up the company, please..please... take good care of yourself. and all i can do is to....wait.
Wait for your return and wait to have you in my arms again...
*love* Love you always! ^Lovely^.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Feel it inside out!!!
Wow! Wow! wow wow! wow wow wow!
I can feel the arms again! This is real and this feels so good! *Love*
This felt like the first day i met you and the very first time we went out together. *Eyes rolling* This feels so different and it feels like ant biting my skin. bitter, pain and sweet! *Amazed*
I was so nervous when i got down the bus and i thought I could just kisss you gently and stare at you awhile. But you were so *awfully* looking at me.. :S why arr? I know i am still who i am and im not any prettier. *sobbing* you scared me! you make me panic!
Oh well, wanted to hold your hand but not sure if you like it. And not sure if you let me to. Later if you swing away my hand, u might worry i cant take it. Or you might not want to spoil my mood. Well, just tell me if you are not ready. I know there are lotsa i wanted to do, but i will make it slow. Let's be more prepared next time and take things slowly. I believe one day you will be more open to me. *smile*
Well, i had a great time together hugging you and kissing you. I wish time can just pause for awhile. Erm..Time machine! *wink*....
Thanks for buying me snacks and I will try to put on weight. I think my extra wings are bigger than my boobs liao... Oppps .... *Shy*
Oh boy! i miss the old us. i miss the fun time we had before. I miss being who i am and now i cant. To be a better me, i have to take alot of things into consideration. I know you lack of faith, let me build that up. I will be more gentle and give you more TLC. I know I cant do anything to compensate the past, but im sure i can do something to change the future.
Again, i wont promise I will be perfect which i know i can't. No one is perfect thats why pencils have erasers. when ppl come to their comfort zone, they will start taking things for granted. Dont worry, you have my assurance. Of coz sometimes I slack, but i will remind myself constantly not to over board. U have my assurance! *keep my finger crossed tight tight*
These were the 2 most touching sms i ever had! I want to keep them everyday around me. I love them alot! They inspire me and they motivate me! Thank you dear for such sweet sms and gentle reminder. I know wat you are thinking and i hope with my promise and effort, things will turn out well very soon.
12:56am 20 Dec 2009
I'm on my way home now. I've been reading your blog everday. All i can say is i miss you i miss us i hate you i feel scared i dont know what to do i want to hug you i want to kiss you i still get irritated by you (sometimes) i feel lonely i wonder what you are doing all the time i do think about you.
I miss you too. I wonder if you are alone or bz or doing well or with someone else. i feel sad when my mind is free. i hate being alone and i feel so much lonesome in me. This is worse than the first 6 months when i first came to SG. I want to call you text you and spend more time with you. But I feel cold and the rejection was i-tolerance. I somehow feel like giving up few times. U perk me up whenever i feel like losing my heart. You just smart and you chose the right time to do the right things. Not like me, i always the wrong one.
1:18am 20 Dec 2009
I dont want to leave you out thats why but im scared. Past two years build up until i really dunno what to do. Now i finally feel loved again but i scared if you will change again. Part of me misses you alot wish you were here with me again but dont know how to open mouth. Another part is scared I have you close again if i will be irritated again I dont want to keep repeating like this that's why i say i feel lost.
I sometimes irritate you bcoz I over protective. I just dont want you to be so tired and stress-up. I still treat you like a kid. I have that sister love in me. I dont just treat you like my boy friend, hubby but bro, close friend, soul mate,everything that comes with life. I should just let you be more independent and give you more freedom. I be so concious becoz when a woman say no, in heart, actually a yes. So i abit paranoid by this. I am not sure if you are them. Want me to *hong* you few times then you will say the real thing. I dont mind at all. I jst want to know if what you say is what you mean in heart. Then i know what I can do to make everythg turn gold.
Anyway, I have a nice ending for 2009. What was past I cant change, but what is coming up, it's already in my mind. I cant say they are well-planned and fantastic, but if we can do it together, that will be amazingly fantabulous!! *love*
Looking forward to fulfill them!
*i love you & i stl want things to happen. I will be the leader to build up the foundation. Of coz i stll have my shy part. forgive me if i cant read u well. but i promise to try harder. much much harder. share with me how i can make it better, i wan to make u feel good.*
*Lovely*
I can't wait! I am so going to have this day to arrive!!!
Good morning! I had a sweet night. I wish I can skip these 8hrs and see you now! Hooray! *claps*
*heartaching* When I received your sms, i was stun and blank. I think you can read my mind and you just know me too well. There's only one thing can change my mind and stop everything immediately. Guess what!
I am just a normal human who has mom and dad and siblings. Just an adjective! (erm..im not saying you are not coz you are single child. *cough* but you are seriously abit different.)
*Phew* stop blogging awhile and continue my work. Then *pause* then went downstairs to buy things. Wanna complete the item before this week. Then can pass to you before 30 Dec.
I think most probably i will go bek KL on 31 dec. Mom did ask me to go bek and say wan to go Penang with bobby. Well, dun really interested in that unless you wanna go too. Anyway, i plan to book hotel in the city area so nite time can see fireworks count down. Walk ard the city, spend time sigh seeing, feel the city then go bek hotel. I did that like 5yrs ago, think it is time to do thatagn. I hope you can come with me, but i worried you might not want to spend time with my family together. I hope we can stick together wherever we go, One Soul, One Mind, One Heart!
But..buttttt.... you will look weird in human top donkey bottom. How to have one soul, one mind one heart with this kind of weirdo? Narnia came alive? :S
*PAUSE* Carol and Dale are here. Got to stop work... miss ya and cant wait to see you.... *Love*
{ Lovely }
Good morning! I had a sweet night. I wish I can skip these 8hrs and see you now! Hooray! *claps*
*heartaching* When I received your sms, i was stun and blank. I think you can read my mind and you just know me too well. There's only one thing can change my mind and stop everything immediately. Guess what!
I am just a normal human who has mom and dad and siblings. Just an adjective! (erm..im not saying you are not coz you are single child. *cough* but you are seriously abit different.)
*Phew* stop blogging awhile and continue my work. Then *pause* then went downstairs to buy things. Wanna complete the item before this week. Then can pass to you before 30 Dec.
I think most probably i will go bek KL on 31 dec. Mom did ask me to go bek and say wan to go Penang with bobby. Well, dun really interested in that unless you wanna go too. Anyway, i plan to book hotel in the city area so nite time can see fireworks count down. Walk ard the city, spend time sigh seeing, feel the city then go bek hotel. I did that like 5yrs ago, think it is time to do thatagn. I hope you can come with me, but i worried you might not want to spend time with my family together. I hope we can stick together wherever we go, One Soul, One Mind, One Heart!
But..buttttt.... you will look weird in human top donkey bottom. How to have one soul, one mind one heart with this kind of weirdo? Narnia came alive? :S
*PAUSE* Carol and Dale are here. Got to stop work... miss ya and cant wait to see you.... *Love*
{ Lovely }
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