I think it is time to do review for the past year performance.
Time flies fast & things changed too.
But if u don't feel anything, definitely there's something wrong.
Let's talk about what changed me. What I have learned & new vision.
2010.. A year after the sad depressing's year.
I picked up myself after 3 months & it was tough. I took longer than I thought I could.
2010.. We patched back & things move. Impressive & happy. But happy time can never last long. Another disaster raised. People often say, move on. Let by gone be by gone. Yeah rite! Easy said than done!
US, getting better. But ...
You think this is what you want? How sure?
What I hate:
By covering one side of your eye & one side of your ear to keep you moving.
I think you can get someone better, you agreed you have that power.
I would say, I'm not you. I don't have that ability & talent.
After all these unhappy things happened, do you think we learn our lesson & handle things better? Yes no?
What i love:
Yes, we know we still love each other. We are willing to accommodate and give way. We know each other better. We get closer to each other coz we used to the companionship.
Missing item:
we lack of trust or rather I, me & myself. You shout at me will only draw me away, so stop screaming at me. You are a smart boy so you know how to solve prob in a smarter idea.
I hope trust can be grown like a plant by putting soil & watering each day. Just my imagination.
You have been good, very good so far but you may not see how much i appreciate that. I have been trying my best to grow the trust while you are trying to wash it away.. Are you trying to tell me something? I don't know how much you trust me, let's just be true to yourself. We are doing appraisal here.
What I think we should have:
Being a couple potentially to be husband & wife (not super sure*) should be open to each other.
Say, you know all my password. You have my bank card. You know where I go & you are the first one to know about things.
What we need to know differentiation to make life beautiful:
Selfish or privacy?
Open or too much?
Obligated or offerings?
Let me elaborate.. I will give each 2 examples.
- Selfish or privacy = trustworthy.
Eg: I remb I told you once, you sounded different when you have your friend/s ard especially he/she/they in your car or close to you.
Fine if you tell me you fetching someone or with someone, I will drop the call automatically. But instead, you give 101 excuses to get rid of me & trying to make me belief in your excuses. I have feeling & I can tell. Look at the part record you have (email,sms,calls etc etc) incase you said i accuse u. Disappointment deducts point.
Eg: You can always go out with your friends even when I'm around. I can entertain myself. You can always tell me you have plans instead of doing it behind me especially I'm away or out of town.
- Open or too much = X lying (trustworthy)
this will make me know you better.
If you think by giving you all my password or share with you all my secrets will make you know me more, ok, I will definitely do it without thinking twice. But pls voice out, if you think you only want to know mine but keep yours to yourself.
Eg: you tell me you have deleted, blocked someone that I don't wish to see. But the truth was wrong.
Eg: you tell me you never smoke but toilet has always got cig left over behind. I trust your word but until one day neighbor said someone always throw cig butt down & dirty their clothes. I clueless but believe in you.
- Obligated or offerings = open + trust
This is to help me manage, give us better life.
Money, since the first day until now has been a big question mark. It may not be you but me, myself & I.
Eg: I asked if I should give the money to my cousin instead of asking him to pay bek what he owed. You said, give after you have taken back else he will come back again to borrow from you. But what about you?
Eg: don't worry & I'm not eye'g on your savings, money or anything expensive. If you want to have another account which only you know, go ahead. Don't have to be worried that one day I will withdraw all your money & run away. This is crazy!
You can have/withdraw from other bank acct & don't have to hide. ok?
Being a girlfriend can only do (...........) this much, & being a wife can do (.................) that much. Being a normal friend can do (...) this much.
So your choice, be open or too much or obligated or selfish.
or .....
What I have learned are: (I'm not monkey see monkey do but u are a good teacher for certain things)
- gentle (not wonder girls like you)
- protective (previously was more)
- smart (but sometimes over estimate, faintzzz)
- gentleman (for show or real, that is appreciative)
What I want to improve:
Other than the above, love-making.
Not gonna say more coz I don't want to sound like I'm begging for it.
This is 2011, I wanna start planning ahead. I'm getting one year older, one more wrinkle area, another year to spend with you & one year closer to heaven. Omg!
Think, before you answer me.
All the best in 2011. (100% = trust + understanding + no lies + open with no selfishness + love)
:) the real lovely.
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Location:On the bed
