Sighs

Signs

Have you seen people sign follow with laughs?
This is my first time of having such feeling.

I have short attention span.
(well, I am just confirming you are right. hahaha)
Everything that is boring, will not capture my attention.
Should say, wont keep my eyes on it for too long.
(I have short attention span not impatient.)

But this is something that I sigh with smile.
Interesting short film and reminds me of our first love.

Puppy love is always interesting.
I am not sure about others but for me falling in love when I was young was awesome shit.
Shivering with joy.
Mix feeling of every emotions that you can share.

KISS - Keep It Simple & Sweet.
Why dont you see yourself?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY

~feelsolovely~

Love begins with a smile :)

p.u.s.h

Are we there yet?

When we were still a child, we often ask: are we there yet? Can I buy this? Why can't I have this? I promise I will get good result, can I have it now? Can I play now? Can I say no to tuition?

Often you can hear these few questions from a child. As we grow older, our questions are much deeper & complexity are higher.

Such as: why do u have to treat me like this? Why can't u afford a bigger diamond ring? Will you marry me? Can u leave me alone? Have you change your mind? Can't we just go for it?

When we were still a child, when a child ask for things & get rejected, how would a child deal with his/her sorrow, disappointment or sadness?

What about Anger? Hungry? Pain? Sick? Etc..

When I grown up as an adult, I started to realize I know how to deal with my own feeling & emotion better.

Such as when I know you smoke & yet u insisted say no. I got offended &; upset. I don't know why u keep defending for yourself when you know you did wrong or lie.u know I hate ppl lie to me but...

Anyway, life get harder when u know someone is lying behind u. As I grow older, I learn how to deal with my own feeling better.

Yes. Even when I know the truth which ppl intended to hide.

Continue to have faith & p.u.s.h.

~Solovely~


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Going Home

Home sweet home.

One more day to home.
How do you feel when you about to go home?
Boring (voice from worm game), Happy, huh?, Let's go!, dont want la..

I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.

You go back to KL with me becoz? Any particular reason?
Dont be lame.
Becoz I love you, becoz I havent been going to KL quite awhl, I need a break, boh bian lor, being forced,...
All the above not in.

You havent been going back to KL with me for awhile.
And there are few things I need to be prepared.

Your mom.
Your work.
Your timing.

I am not condemning you. I am excited but worried.
I know I have to be really careful when I say thing.
This is sensitive issue.

Going home hearing things sounded like "you la!"  not easy to swallow
Ask you to tag along, risky move.
Your working hour, no matter how much I wish you could come with me I worry too rush for you.
Small small things are killing me.

I am under depression illness. or tramatized with things.
I don't know what where went wrong.
Women feel it before their period. Pregnant women feel it after their pregnancy.
I feel it anytime of the day especially after period.

Arhh! I am going crazy soon.
I have never felt this way before. I have this sydrome few months ago.
Guess I am getting my pre-menopause.
I never tell anyone.

I am controlling my temper now.
I am holding it back.
I calm myself down with my own language. !@#$%^&

My heart pain.
On and off.
Dont ask me why coz I think there are too many things to say.

Tramatize, phobia, fear, anger, disappointment etc.
and after all, I refuse to do anything productive today. tomorrow. till friday nite, sat and sunday.

*heartovely* 

Happy dad's day!

Today is the day!

Today is all men (with kid/s) day!

Today is all men (with dick/s) day!

Today is all men (with ball/s) day!

< Smooches & Huggies!! >

We love you dearest dad!
There's surprise behind your back. *hint hint*

Long time we didn't play hide & seek surprises game. Today is the day!!

and

Let's play!!!

We hide annnnnnnnd
YOU
seek!!!

Muaks! U have few hours till 11:59pm.

Let's start!!!

Time ... Tik tok tik tok tik tok...

~lovelyandkids~



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On the way

Hot morning with a red broken lips.

Been having nightmares non stop & distracted my beauty sleep.

"now u can dress up go for your brkfast date. You have 2hrs or more. Brkfast at the garden or fastfood up to both of u. Your journey will take longer than mine. If u thk not enuf time coz u wan to take some photos, do it. No rush!"

"you say before u confirm if she has potential, u will run a test. Think both of u didn't work out. Kiss & snap?"

Anyway, those are not my concern. My concern is I have been having nightmares.

We staying in hostel. Again, u stop calling me or text me. Treating me like a doll. Night time I went to your room to look for u. I didn't knock coz I didn't plan to.

Open up the door saw u with a girl. She on the bed covered with blanket while u sitting on the floor doing work on your laptop. From far both of u like kissing. Can hear both laughing.

I went over & ask u wats wrong. So now u have new girl so u stop calling? But u didn't look at me or answer me at all.

The girl still lying on the bed & she look much smaller compares to your past EXes. Oh! U have changed your appetite.

I was super angry & pissed. I kicked & slapped u.but I knw I struggled in my sleep. Not much of energy to be rough.

Then I went to a drawer opposite your bed & took somethg. Then I walked out from the room.

I made up my mind.

One fine day u came to look for me. Trying to be nice & talk to me. Say wanted to explain to me why u were with the girl.

I made up my mind.

U say she asked u to pretend her new bf to make his bf angry so that he will leave her alone. & she wanted u to be her prom nite partner too. Blah blah blah...

I made up my mind.

I walked away with one sentence. "think before u do, whatever u do has nothing got to do with me coz those are old sch ideas."

Your stupid smile gone & I left.

Then I saw sofi. I asked him if I can use his toilet to bathe.
(amazingly I still remember I need to bathe. -__-|||| )

But ended up I got chase away. He scolded me with some stupid word. I can't remember what but I hate him for not letting bathe.

(loud my head off)

While I was walking & thinking where I can bathe, I saw Bobby. He about to lock his door & go out.

I beg him for letting me to use his toilet. I need to bathe. I shouted very loud from opposite side. Surprisingly I don't knw what is 'malu'.

While waiting for him to reply if I can use his toilet, I woke up.

-lovelyisfine-


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Love begins with a smile :)

It is raining

When was the last time..

Such a long time.. 

When I was a kid, I love to spend long time in the bathroom.
With a small stool and a pen knife. Funny, it was not towel or clothes.

I would sat on the floor and slice the bathing soap on my little stool.
I would think what soap made of. How can I do this everyday without scoldings.
I engrossed in the cutting process while doing my kiddy thinking.

When was the last time I did that... 22yrs ago.

I am a high ego crappy girl. I knew.
And I like to try new things. Fight with boys or play rough.

I fought with neighbor and scolded aunties for being rude.
My carelessness caused someone injured and I ran away don't care.
My bad but i have never regretted.

The only few things I regretted can count. 1... 2... 3...

When was the last time I feel regretted of my wrong choice? Last year.

While I was bathing just now.
I started to splash water around and sing together with the dancing water.

oh la la~

I ask myself when was the last time I think about you. 30mins ago.
I ask myself when should I leave here and go home. 30mins ago.
I ask myself if I never come back here, where would I be. 30mins ago.
I ask myself how can I more happy and crappy. 30mins ago.
I ask myself how can people stop saying I don't have reputation. 30mins ago.
I ask myself when can I get a stable job and be happy. 30mins ago.
I ask myself if new boss or colleagues will say: You look very quiet. 30mins ago.
I ask myself about you..
And I sing..

Boy it's been all this time,
and I can't get you off my mind,
and nobody knows it but me.
I stare at your photograph,
still sleep in the shirt you left,
and nobody knows it but me.
Everyday I wipe my tears away,
so many nights I've prayed for you to say.

I should have been chasing you,
I should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
I could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we'd ever need.

My friends think I'm moving on,
but the truth is I'm not that strong and nobody knows it but me.
I've kept all the words you said,
in a box underneath my bed,
and nobody knows it but me.

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow,
but the truth is I've been screaming out.

I should have been chasing you,
I should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
I could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we'd ever need.

It was all we'd ever need.
Oh, I thought it was all we'd ever need.

I should have been chasing you,
You should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
Oh, you should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
You could have made me believe,
that what we had girl,
Oh, that what we had
What we had

It Was all we'd ever need

~Singovely~

Passes By

Those gone but still sweet.

Today went to Paya Lebar to post office.
Passed by the place I used to sit.
Passed by the place I used to wait for you.
It was drizzling.
Same like those time I waited from no rain to sunny. Sunny to rain.

I still remember I was playing NDS.
The zoo puzzle game. The card game.
The tamakochi. The koi-koi.

Those were boring but fun stuffs.

Time to revive and improve.
I know you are not happy that I didn't tell you what's wrong.
Think about it.
After next weekend if the things still there, then I will tell you.
But if you sit on it till your deadline, god bless you!
Patay! - Taigalog language dead!

If this thing happen on me, you will still do the same.
Maybe my treatment will be worse.
Anyway, I do not want to tell you this : Don't do don't do! Nvm. Let's get over it.
If I ever say that, you know what will be the outcome.

Don't want me to take things for granted.
I am always on my alert position.
But what about you?
Do I need to tell you what you need to do?
When I did, what did you say in return? Did you deliver?
I was glad that you offer. But nothing happen after that.

Action speaks louder. Let's do it when you feel like it.
It is important to me but I know you need rest and time for yourself.

No forcing. You have time.
From tomorrow onwards *hopefully*
we can watch show and have more fun.
Hope this week and next you will have time to rest to recover and recharge.

*jealous*

Nite.

~Jealousovely~

Student

Can't imagine.

Imagine you call yourself a student when you are 35.
Imagine you are the most mature one in the class.
Imagine they wear casual and you wear formal.
Imagine they energetic while you are yawning non-stop.

*Hilarious*

Imagine you score the highest mark in the class.
Just because you have more experience.
Imagine you laugh at the questions they ask.
Just because you are more mature.
Imagine you yawn in the class non-stop.
Just because you wanna go home sleep coz tomorrow working.

*Funny*

What makes me think about being a student?
or what inspired me to write this.

Tah dah!!!

Went to Paya Lebar post office today and saw Lion city building.
The TT shop is there, reminds me I need to send money home.
Best thing is, I don't really have much to send.
This month has one extra thing to pay - Income Tax.
My hair cut. Rental fee. Phone bill.

And happened to hear from Law that he is interested to learn chinese.
I wanna do part time to earn extra money.
If he is interested, I will teach him chinese every Sunday from 10am -12pm.
Let's hope. I need money! one month $80 enuf for my transport.

Should be fun rite?

~Teacherovely~

Let's guess

Surprises await you.
We shall see!
Everyone like surprises.
But no one know if good or bad surprises.

*Tikum Tikum*
You guess!

You may think it is unfair or whatever excuses you can think of.
Whatever it is.. everything has a timeline.
Deadline spells with the word - DEAD. (My boss says)

Do what you can to convince me to trust your word.
Do what you can to proof you are sincere.
Catch me right.
Do what you can .....
Coz I see 'they' are still there.

Don't ask me how, don't ask me what.
Go think.
I will give you time. Till next weekend.
It won't take long actually.
Since you busy with work, so I give more time.
But there is a limit.

This is a surprise warning!
Again, surprise! Yeah!

~Surprisovely~

200th post

History.

This is the 200 post. I have just created a new history. *Cheers*
The history that will make me remember.
The history that make my blog no difference.

*History run through session.

The past 199 posts are well archived.
Flipping through the old pages make me feel happy. *Smile*
Feeling how silly they are, feeling how weird the writing, feeling how cheeky they can be,
feeling how 'mature' and 'fun' I was last time.
I wish I could pause the time and laugh at those old photos. *Laugh*
Oh well, history is meant to be kept under 'memory' folder.

Those who has seen my blog would comment I am happy and fun.
Some love to see my sign-off. I create new different lovely identity according to my blog content.
Should I stay as it is?

Should I be the same old 'Happy-go-lucky' girl?
Or I should be a tough independent 'stubborn and decisive' fierce woman?

Happy-go-luck:

carefree: cheerfully irresponsible; untroubled

So I can leave behind all the unsolved problem and keep walking or laugh it off. Well, 2 of them have commented my 'happy-go-lucky' attitude caused me 'take-it-easy' issue. I intend to sit on/ignore the problem when I'm unable to solve and think time will blend or solve the matter by itself. Soon or later, it might become a 'take-it-for-granted' attitude. or another word - ignorance.

or I should be
Stubborn and decisive:

- tenaciously unwilling or marked by tenacious unwillingness to yield, refusing to move or change one's opinion; obstinate

- characterized by decision and firmness, determining

I know what I want and I just want to get it done my way to make me feel good or at ease.
This might give people headache for no turning point or tolerance. Hard time and argument might occur. coz not all man can tolerate my stubbornness.

So how?
Or do I have third option?
Please suggest.
So that I can grow up and be more mature in dealing with matters.
As well, how to live with others such as you.

Whatever has gone by, all past. History!
No one is perfect in this world and what we after is happiness among ourselves.
Whatever happened in the past, none of us can change.
Live with it and move on is the common thing.
I am not angry about the 'history'. I am looking at solution and improvement.
If you are looking at now and future, we got to do something to kill the past.
Don't repeat, don't say, don't mention those are ignorance.

Oh my dear king,  thou shall advice me what I should do.

Speak to me my lord, your servant is ready.

Lead me and I shall please you.
Oh my king.

~whoislovely~

Helpless

KO.

I hate Friday.
Friday is scary now!
Friday was never like this.
Friday was at least a normal weekday where I usually will go off around the same time
and wait for you at the bus stop and go home together.
that's my normal Friday.

I am at home now.
And today is Friday.
*Yawn*

Anyway, today is a freaking Friday.
I suddenly feel so empty.
Empty with no direction.

What exactly is life all about?
Eat? Sleep? Play? Work? Money? Family? Baby? Friend? Arguement?
I am tired.

Whatever it is... Father's day is here soon!
What shall we have! erm erm.... *Wink*

Mysterovely~

Morning world!

Where has my heart gone?

I am having a f-up morning.
Now it is only 8:34am.
What is going to happen later at 10am?

What about 2pm? 4pm? 5pm?9pm?

This is scary! This is ridiculous!

•faintovely•

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Justified

Love is proved by not what you can give but what you can give up.

Smile to make your day brighter. Cry behind is to make better day for myself.

I'm hungry now, yet it is time to sleep. My gastric pain because I am upset. Not because I didn't eat. That's sad!

Good nite the world.
Welcome sweet dream.







Sweetovely~


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Life is sweet with juice

Today is a hectic day.

Morning we had a meeting about workflow procedures.
A company tree. A proper work system with correct guidance.
I feel so much relieve now with this so call motivation.
At least they agree to have such system to smoothen the overall work flow.

Soon we will have an Account Director comes in.
By then I will have more time to do my own things and have more time to do research.
And maybe I can start hunting and moving to a better place.
Who knows what would happen next.
But I know I want to excel one day.
With what in what by what, I don't know.

Tomorrow gonna have another mad day.
I started to hate friday when I joined this company.
Friday with lesser people in office.
Friday alot of last minute job.
Friday I always go home alone while everyone will have plan after 6pm.
Friday is a fever day for me. Sad and pathetic.
Oh well, maybe not this friday. *Laugh*

Today I had gastric since morning.
I have backache after the morning meeting.
Guess I didn't sit in good posture.
I hardly get gastric now coz I eat on time.
I ask myself to drink more water too. (which I am still trying. HAHAHA)
Better than nothing right? Improving improving! *Claps*

Phew* 

-_-III

Abit don't know what am I talking about. *LOL*
 Good nite.
*gastrovely*

Your Call

What I want.

Primary
What's your intention?
What's in it for me?
What did you gain?

Secondary
Why do you still want me?
What makes you come back?
Why not go on or continue?

Remember?
:- Thanks to someone!
:- When I needed you, where were you
:- I want to know how much you want to stand by me
:- Can I trust you for being good
:- Can I trust you for being alone outside
:- I want to know what you want from me
:- If you are going back to Australia
:- If you will stay because of me
:- Will you give me his details
:- Will you stop contacting him

I know what I want from you now.
I know what you can offer.
But I am not sure if you can do this.
My simple request:
I want her bf's contact.

I just want to know if you can do this.
Your call.
I won't restrict you if you want to change phone number, or whatever you want to do.
Your call.
But I know the only option I have in mind now is that one.
Your call.

*ijustwanttobelovely*

Life has never been easy

Say easier than done.

Sometimes you need not listen to what people comment about thgs.

Sometimes you shld listen & take advice from the people who really want you to be good.

Sometimes you shld just listen to your heart. See what it says.

Sometimes you shld be more selfish & take charge of your life more.

Sometimes you shld wake yourself up by slapping yourself hard.

We are all human. We have 1 heart & 1 soul. But why is there a word call 'betray' or 'side track'?

I really feel lost. How to build up the trust where we used to have?

So, it is my fault.

When you side track, you blame me. Coz me who make you like that. While you still keep insisted you didn't do wrong.

I feel thankful for having sense. But I feel bad for having no guts. I hate myself for being so stupid.

Am really lost & blank.

Should I say: thanks to someone?

Is it my turn to say: you started first?

What should I say? What should I do?

And what is next??

•Nomorelovely•


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No eye deer

I am totally clueless.

I wonder why.
I wonder why do you still want me.
I wonder why do you want to hurt me so badly.
I wonder why all these.

It is proven and I am now speechless.
It is not the right time to do confrontation.
It is never clear.

Why do you always have to act like this?
Have you ever changed?

At first I thought I should be guilty.
But now I doubt so.
I think I should not hold you back.
I don't think you actually love me that much.
I should not be pushy.
I just got to walk away.

After all, you don't love me that much.
And I am not the dream girl you after.

After all these minutes, hours, days, months, years.
All gone.
After all these laughter, anger, shouting, fighting, understanding.
All disappear.

After all,
Everything turn back as white as a paper.
After all....

Begin and End

First Day

Dear you and the above,

Today is the first day.
First day of the week.
First day to start new campaign.
First day to get irritated again.
First day after pay day.
First day to get heart pain.
First day cough in office so loud.
First day scolded boss
First day turn my face grey.
First day....

First day of the week.
First thing cross my mind when I woke up this morning.
First thing it was you
First thing how you left me so suddenly.
First thing I miss you.
First thing my family miss you.
First thing your laughter still very strong in my head.
First thing I have yet to visit to your new home.
First thing I cried when I heard about your news.
First thing I cant get over it.
First thing, it's still fresh and new.

In life, there are plenty of things we have regretted of doing.
They are not wrong or they were not.
They were just not what we've plan.
Some say better regret of doing it than never try.
Choosing a wrong direction make my life harder.
I should learn how to be more flexible.
I should live with my choices.
I should adapt to what I have chose.

If I were given a choice, I would choose to turn back time to year 2000.
At least she is here, you are here, and we are still together.

In life, there is nothing better than togetherness.
We are apart now but we will be together one day.
Very soon.
Very very soon.

I miss you all badly.

~Griefovely~

Breakfast fof the day.

Kali-pork

Malay uncle @ mrt station entrance.
Kali-pork Kali-pork! Come! $1 Kali-pork!
Uncle, I want 1 kali-pork dont want pork. Got chicken?

Oh, no pork no pork. Halal. How many kali-pork you want?

Uncle, I want 1 kali-pork no pork.

Okok! 1 karl-pork no pork.

Uncle, I say dont want pork. Got chicken?

Got got. Nah! Kali-pork with chiken. $1.

Uncle ah! I want 1 chicken dont want pork.

Yala young man! This is chicken kali-pork! $1!

Aiyo! Told you I want chicken!

(uncle tears the kari puff into 2 and show the young man the chicken meat and potatoes)

Nah! this is chicken kali-pork! pok pok pok pok pok! (uncle flips his arm like a chicken)

Okay uncle! Chicken kali-pok!

(Young man flips his arm too and laugh with the uncle)

there goes my bright morning!  :)

Kalovely~

Sorry, I am closed.

Private and Confidential.
*This is for my own viewing pleasure only.*

Blogging may means something else to certain people, age group, generation.
Blogging to me is something where I can release my tension and share my feelings with words.

Sorry. I am closed today. I just want to talk to myself.

I was feeling depressed yesterday. Not sure if that's because of the morning accident, not sure if too much meeting too much work, not sure what and why. But until night... my depression went stronger.

His mom asked me to check air ticket. She wants to get an air ticket for her maid to go back home. Her permit expired end of May. Think about it, time flies. 2 years long since we first met, talking to each other in the kitchen. Got scolded because we talk too much. Got angry because she didn't do a good job. Lots.

But when I use his com to check air ticket, I saw something which I am not supposed to see. I noticed this quite sometimes ago. I know he has been watching 'it'. from friends or social surfing basically no difference. All I care is, if this is healthy.

Anyway, ignore me coz I know I can't change anything. I know I will have to bear all consequences once I publish this out. I will!.

I think those who know me well, would know I dislike this against this. And this is irrespective to a girl friend or partner. Well, everyone has right to deny or hide their faulty. No doubt you can do that. But it brings you no where.

I just want to pick up quickly drop it off quickly. This has been disgusted me plenty. I hate people who do that. I need a boost in my low self esteem but not being step down again and more. I am sorry for being stupid coz he might think I beat around the bush which I am not. Please understand this. This is not the first time that I do confrontation but I think this is the last time. I maybe selfish but I hope to love myself more by making myself feel better. No human share the same interest and view. I respect you and hope you do so, coz you have a choice in life.

~Lovely~