A quiet day with lots of smoke

Last day of ghost festival
I'm smelling second hand smoke along the street.

My throat feels dry & itchy.
But enjoying the festive mood.
Once a year, the most scary month of the year. Thrilling & chilling month.

Suddenly feel tired.wonder how the ghosts feel now. Are they all full or they flying around or walking around or trying to scare ppl.

I'm tired. I feel like flying around too. I need a long quiet break. To find my soul like how the ghost did.

Scary when you watch the ghost movie but fun to try..

Touch wood*

Time to go home.

~ghostovely~

@ the Airport - KLIA

Red patch Blue-Black

OUCHHHHH!!!....
I didn;t know until I feel pain.
Ouch ouch ouccccch!!!

It is right at the nerve.
*heat ache*

Alrite.. Soon to board..
Bye Bye KL. See you Singapore.
Bye Mom. Bye Dad. Bye Sis. Bye Bro. Bye Over-like Home.

Walking till my leg tired and hungry.
Had a piece of brownie and now feeling more awake now.
Alrite.. Shalom! Going in the departure gate now.

See you singapore. Muacks KL!

*Joyely*

Last nite

Funnily Wednesday 9.

I was waiting.
You didn't reply.
I don't know why.
And you didn't reply until late nite.

I fell asleep.
With my phone in my hand.
The phone rang.
I quickly pick up so I won't disturb my mom.

I heard u say, u cant hear me.
I heard u say, go sleep.
I heard u say, u lying on bed playing games.
I heard u say, u will work late.

I heard.
but.
U didnt hear what I say.

hahaha, I laughed.

I asked if you don't want to talk to me.
and you said, I can't hear you clearly. How to answer u?

hahaha, I laughed again.

I feel so silly. but I smile when I say good bye.
Put down the phone and continue my sleeping journey.

I woke up in the morning.
On the wifi and send u what's app msg.
But you didnt reply.

Then get your sms, u say u going to fetch your freelance colleague.
I wonder if you are trying to revenge.
Send u msg and u nv reply.

Wonder u angry and u trying to revenge.
coz u say u will treat me like how i treat u.
don't call or sms see when I will miss u.
I nv say cannot call or sms.
Just that not continuously sms or call.
People might think u r control freak and u keep checking on me like father & daughter.

It is not that I am not helping.
If you continue to suspect things then it will be super hard for me to proceed.
Think clearly. Think twice.
If you need a break to think through it, let me know.
Let's talk when we meet.

*Miserovely*

Wednesday 25th Aug

Phew*

Thank God we are home safely.
Look at the news, everything about Indonesia.
Fishermen, travel, etc.

Philippine, travel, bus, etc.
This is scary!

Everything about under table. Corruption.. Scary scary scary too scary!
Tomorrow I will be home.
I took the letter. Before I go ubi, I have to think twice if I should convert my license.
Tell me.

What should I do.

Pro and cons that I know.
1. To keep
- Singapore license no expiry date. I am not sure if it is link to my PR.
- Singapore license can drive in M'sia too. :)

2. Not to keep
- Worry if the police see SG license, they will ask for under table.
- What if one day M'sia change their rules?
- M'sia license has validity. Need renewal fee.

How arr?

More work to do before conversion.

*Lovely*

6 days away

The 1st day-
Feeling fresh & thk this is somethg diff. I don't need to worry about anythg @ work but end month. I feel cheated before the day I left home to KL.*

The 2nd day-
Finally take off & start my holiday. You don't trust me or still insist I'm hiding* I can't do anything to make you trust me & yet you need to act to get attention from me, I feel useless. But im glad.coz this is not the first time & won't be the last time u wld do that.

The 3rd day-
You say u miss me but I scolded u for wasting phn bill. I knw I am not being sincere or supportive. But thk'g abt the months when u were away I was the one keep pestering & got cold water in return.I feel like an idiot back then. I seriously thk I give u too much freedom while u need me to respond even when I'm away so far, phn call charges so high.

The 4th day-
I am home. I miss ppl in SG. I miss my colleagues. I knw they miss me too. I feel blessed! What about the kids & u? Suddenly I don't knw how to talk to u.start from where & talk about what. Too many things too short the time. I feel the stress & burden. I worried I say wrong thgs to make u angry or suspect again. While I am just trying to share with u my thought my day & what I have been thru this few days. You stressed me.

The 5th day-
Wake up early than usual working day. Can't really slp coz was thk'g about u what u said last nite. Feeling stressful again coz don't knw how to make u at ease & be gentle. I'm sometimes like a man, don't knw what is soft. Ya. Chor lor loh! Well, when I try to be a small girl, u push me say too much & I take thgs for granted.* I woke up & take care of everything u say I am not supportive. Ya. U wld say "you dont knw how to balance it!"

I am like a man, so rough. Imagine who wld love a man? U are thk'g too much.

The 6th day-
Going home! Hope argue no more. I tried my best to make myself at ease. I stood up for myself. While u need me to do somethg to make u feel better.* life is never fair. Life is ain't good. Life is never smooth to live. When u say numb, have u thought abt me? U were away for months & u said u look after me from afar. But do you knw what I have been thru back then? Where did I go & which fren/s I hang out with? What time I went home & how's my life? What about after we got back & I found those photos? I didn't say much & I heal myself. Do u knw how painful? Ya.u wld say abt my Aussie fren, heard frm my other fren they live happily in Aussie now.

So I drop this topic & live new. U say not fair if I keep singing the same song.

Argue no more. Eraser is pencil best fren, let's start new chapter.

The 7th day-
No one knows

The 8th day-
Your mom's birthday outing.

The 9th day-
Another worrying day.

• bigheadlovely•

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Car license

Puasa month.

Malay is pig.
Yes they are.

Puasa month early morning eat, during working hour no energy.

What a lazy pig!

I settled my license. Rm10. The lady talk so slow & like kena torture for months. No energy, feel tired, pms & lazy.

I hate it.

Now I'm finally home. Can watch movie & go shop. Tomorrow going bek to SG. Long day. Long week.

Looking forward to the the first day in new company.

Stupid letter cost me RM10.



• tiredovely•

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Pedicure

Nice warm water soaking session.

I miss having spa. Maybe need one soon when my pocket a little fill up next month or after.

Watching this show while soaking my feet.

You asked if there's anythg wrong with us. I don't knw what but I only find one problem. You don't trust me.

You used to do all these to me.left me home alone. Wait for your call like no end. Don't knw when you would call but I will have to be in stand-by-mode.

I'm not into revenge. But just to tell you how I felt.

You can have fun outside & leaving me aside. But I can't. You will do all things to track me disturb me, say keep me accompany in a better way.

I don't understand why. Your mom keeps asking me to give u freedom. Don't check whatever u do or have. Ended up I give in everything. Every possible way I can. & get blame & say I'm guilty, I am wrong, I take thgs for granted.

Oh well, I thk we made a wrong move. We so used to stay together, even when we get back together, we quickly move in agn. I thk we shld enjoy longer being staying apart in 2 diff places.

Oh well, I'm not complaining. No one can turn back time.move forward & be better.

I try my best to improve. Be strong!

•lovemakeusstronger•


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This is not right

Weird.

Feeling not easy but don't know what's wrong. Unknown reason. Run out of word to describe.

Or immune.

This morning when I took my bath, I saw arches on the wall. Not the first time & won't be the last time. Sometimes on the floor sometimes near the drain side.

Tell me if neighbor drop it or the wind blow it in or what, I take it. The fact is you know the main reason. Up to you to tweak it in a more beautiful way.

Like I say, I won't count the cigarette u have in the box. U put a box in the drawer, but u can buy many boxes outside. So how does it make a diff?

Well, I hardly ask u abt your smoking habit. I think I give you enough freedom & time to adjust yourself. If you tell me you don't wan to quit, I will accept it.

I hate people lying to me. That's all!

Whatever you do, if you think it is right, go for it.


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No Internet

Today is a quiet day.

Sometimes I wish to have more quiet day. Sit by the bay or balcony to do what I like. But who cares about u?

Only your heart.

After one long nite of rushing, today I came in on time just to make sure the ppt good to go. But ended up sitting here (got ditched).

Life is always like this. Friends are for your own usage. Do you good = good fren. Never bring u benefit = stupid fren. You can't please everyone in your life. No one would give u the license of Special Privilege. Even your partner.

Maybe I ask too much. But afterall, I'm happy to have this gang of idiots colleagues. Though they are not as brilliant or award winning team but v are happy to work together.

I'm gonna miss them soon. Soon I will be replaced & they will be replaced. everyone is replaceable. As well gf & bf/ husband & wife.

But bottom line is, v gonna miss the moments v used to share together.

Forever friends. Sicko colleagues.

•Lovely•


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Love begins with a smile :)

Good nite world

Lights off

Tuck me myself to bed.
Tired exhausted & sleepy.

Just sent an email out this noon to chk if they want to extend my stay for one more week.

I shld hv rest but why i bother to ask u wld ask. Bcos I need money. Secondly I see mark always scold hippo. & he won't be ard for 2 weeks. She won't be able to cope.

But if anything screw up say he don't let me off or anything worse than this, I won't even want to extend my stay. Let's see wat he will say tomorrow.increase pay also no use. Coz I knw they can't afford.

This evening Wen u ask me if I'm ok. I decided to tease u by asking u if u are guilty. Imagine u were not working but hang out with someone else.

Oh well, just a thought. Not about trusting you but no point suspecting. Tiring!

Just like checking your phn or com or some other thgs... If you wan to do or hide, go ahead.

Malay got one saying, 'tak larat lagi!' this is why u don't need to hide. It is okay, I won't chk or touch your thgs..don't worry!

This is all abt freedom & go explore freely. Life is short, therefore do wat u r happy with! I stand by u!:)

I really got to slp else tmr I will be having tough time. Migraine & body aching. Tmr will be a war day to me..

Wish us luck!!

~lovely,~


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Love begins with a smile :)

Love begins with a smile :)

Officially~

Happy Day!

Happy Birthday to myself. and I am happy.
I am happy about the surprises and laughter.

Thank you for being part of the enthusiast during the first celebration with my parent.
As much as I love to say, this year birthday was something different.
I won't forget about those moments.

Past 2 years were good. Almost can't remember what I did on my birthday.
This year I had something different.

Birthday celebration @ PD *Surprise*

12 smilley cupcakes *super kawai*

1 colorful bag coz $100++. *heart pain*

Kite flying *amazing*

Super fun birthday!

I like~ Hahahahahahaha

next year should have 30 tables for 30yrs old birthday.

Wah Seh!!

thank you people for celebrating my birthday!
Am so touched and sincerely thank you.
How I wish everyday is my birthday. *Laugh out loud*

*Lovely*

I hate to say this.. but....

I have to..

I open for options, always.

"Don't need to rush home.

Enjoy your reunion with your frens.

Today is just another day. Same shit different day."

"He texts you everyday. Basically report or update (better word) you everyday.

He misses the time when you were around sharing his happiness or sorrows with him.

He misses seeing you around in the office and hope to continue this kind of r/s"

I am gonna voice this out and release my tension in my heart.
This has been awhile. And I want to get rid of this thing.
No more spare room for my heart and brain. Need to clear some space.

I removed you from my mailing list because I think keeping you up-to-date from my blog is not necessary. Don't think otherwise.
Blog will not run away or dilute. So whenever you feel like reading it, just log in.


I am not sure if I am jealous, envy or angry.
I wish you were a gay somehow and you can be with Rajiv.
I dream about you being upset because Rajiv was sad.
This is my nightmare.

Frankly, I don't mind to join bates but not with Rajiv around.
He is my nightmare.
He makes me feel so stupid, shame.
All because of your stupidity.

I am not sure about exclusivity.
But seem to me I don't have.
And hello! if you are still thinking about you owe'g him alot, then please get him a better life.
Priority! we are talking about.
Hire him as your AE or what-so-ever that is available. (I think I mentioned this to you before)
Asking your other friends or ex colleagues to send in their resume are creating more competitors. This is not helping. Ya of coz, this is up to the management to pick.
Since you wanted to help them then go ahead. I am totally cool.

Even in FB. We dont used to commenting on each other page and pictures anymore.
Tagging you on my photos make me worry.
So I chose to ask permission, at least I respect your decision. Am ready for suggestion.

Dont worry. I am not angry.
I am not sure how much you trust me or how much I trust you.
I know we are not open enough to share and I am kinda get used to this treatment.
such as, checking on you, my new phone password, worry about alot of things, new office with new colleagues and see when you get close with another female colleague and make me suspect again etc.
I know you ask me to tell you whenever I feel anything not right.
Think about it, you are a smart person, you might have your 'reason'. So be it. Let it be natural.
You are who you are. I live with that.
No point for me to change you when I know it is impossible.
I am not beating around the bush.

Tell me, have you ever considered about my feeling?

The moment you saw your friends in OC and you walk away.
Ya. You turn your head but you didn't do anything.
After awhile I felt like an idiot standing in the middle of no where. So I walked away.
Anyway, that's not what I want to say.
And I am not here to argue. I just want to tell this out and be straight to the point.

Again, being with you is happy.
But in long run, we need sustainability.
(Ponder what we used to do and share, and what about now. Any difference? Why. How)

I don't mind if your friends don't know about us.
Or you don't want to tell them or anything. I am totally acceptable.
(stop asking why I feel that way, coz your body language tells me so)
There are things  I can't change but accommodate.
I hope you don't mind my colleagues know about you.
If that makes you not comfortable, tell me. (I believed I have mention this many times, but you are ok)
I want to kill men's hope. Stay away from me, you, you, you, men.

I hate this feeling....
How you treated me and your action make me feel so no dignity.
You don't know.
You simply didnt aware what had happened and how badly was it to traumatize a person.

I try to stay happy everyday without having you pressurize.
After this second onwards, I will definitely be.

*phew*

Coz finally I am released!
No pressure.  Yeah*

~Govely~

Sighs

Signs

Have you seen people sign follow with laughs?
This is my first time of having such feeling.

I have short attention span.
(well, I am just confirming you are right. hahaha)
Everything that is boring, will not capture my attention.
Should say, wont keep my eyes on it for too long.
(I have short attention span not impatient.)

But this is something that I sigh with smile.
Interesting short film and reminds me of our first love.

Puppy love is always interesting.
I am not sure about others but for me falling in love when I was young was awesome shit.
Shivering with joy.
Mix feeling of every emotions that you can share.

KISS - Keep It Simple & Sweet.
Why dont you see yourself?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY

~feelsolovely~

Love begins with a smile :)

p.u.s.h

Are we there yet?

When we were still a child, we often ask: are we there yet? Can I buy this? Why can't I have this? I promise I will get good result, can I have it now? Can I play now? Can I say no to tuition?

Often you can hear these few questions from a child. As we grow older, our questions are much deeper & complexity are higher.

Such as: why do u have to treat me like this? Why can't u afford a bigger diamond ring? Will you marry me? Can u leave me alone? Have you change your mind? Can't we just go for it?

When we were still a child, when a child ask for things & get rejected, how would a child deal with his/her sorrow, disappointment or sadness?

What about Anger? Hungry? Pain? Sick? Etc..

When I grown up as an adult, I started to realize I know how to deal with my own feeling & emotion better.

Such as when I know you smoke & yet u insisted say no. I got offended &; upset. I don't know why u keep defending for yourself when you know you did wrong or lie.u know I hate ppl lie to me but...

Anyway, life get harder when u know someone is lying behind u. As I grow older, I learn how to deal with my own feeling better.

Yes. Even when I know the truth which ppl intended to hide.

Continue to have faith & p.u.s.h.

~Solovely~


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Going Home

Home sweet home.

One more day to home.
How do you feel when you about to go home?
Boring (voice from worm game), Happy, huh?, Let's go!, dont want la..

I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.

You go back to KL with me becoz? Any particular reason?
Dont be lame.
Becoz I love you, becoz I havent been going to KL quite awhl, I need a break, boh bian lor, being forced,...
All the above not in.

You havent been going back to KL with me for awhile.
And there are few things I need to be prepared.

Your mom.
Your work.
Your timing.

I am not condemning you. I am excited but worried.
I know I have to be really careful when I say thing.
This is sensitive issue.

Going home hearing things sounded like "you la!"  not easy to swallow
Ask you to tag along, risky move.
Your working hour, no matter how much I wish you could come with me I worry too rush for you.
Small small things are killing me.

I am under depression illness. or tramatized with things.
I don't know what where went wrong.
Women feel it before their period. Pregnant women feel it after their pregnancy.
I feel it anytime of the day especially after period.

Arhh! I am going crazy soon.
I have never felt this way before. I have this sydrome few months ago.
Guess I am getting my pre-menopause.
I never tell anyone.

I am controlling my temper now.
I am holding it back.
I calm myself down with my own language. !@#$%^&

My heart pain.
On and off.
Dont ask me why coz I think there are too many things to say.

Tramatize, phobia, fear, anger, disappointment etc.
and after all, I refuse to do anything productive today. tomorrow. till friday nite, sat and sunday.

*heartovely* 

Happy dad's day!

Today is the day!

Today is all men (with kid/s) day!

Today is all men (with dick/s) day!

Today is all men (with ball/s) day!

< Smooches & Huggies!! >

We love you dearest dad!
There's surprise behind your back. *hint hint*

Long time we didn't play hide & seek surprises game. Today is the day!!

and

Let's play!!!

We hide annnnnnnnd
YOU
seek!!!

Muaks! U have few hours till 11:59pm.

Let's start!!!

Time ... Tik tok tik tok tik tok...

~lovelyandkids~



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On the way

Hot morning with a red broken lips.

Been having nightmares non stop & distracted my beauty sleep.

"now u can dress up go for your brkfast date. You have 2hrs or more. Brkfast at the garden or fastfood up to both of u. Your journey will take longer than mine. If u thk not enuf time coz u wan to take some photos, do it. No rush!"

"you say before u confirm if she has potential, u will run a test. Think both of u didn't work out. Kiss & snap?"

Anyway, those are not my concern. My concern is I have been having nightmares.

We staying in hostel. Again, u stop calling me or text me. Treating me like a doll. Night time I went to your room to look for u. I didn't knock coz I didn't plan to.

Open up the door saw u with a girl. She on the bed covered with blanket while u sitting on the floor doing work on your laptop. From far both of u like kissing. Can hear both laughing.

I went over & ask u wats wrong. So now u have new girl so u stop calling? But u didn't look at me or answer me at all.

The girl still lying on the bed & she look much smaller compares to your past EXes. Oh! U have changed your appetite.

I was super angry & pissed. I kicked & slapped u.but I knw I struggled in my sleep. Not much of energy to be rough.

Then I went to a drawer opposite your bed & took somethg. Then I walked out from the room.

I made up my mind.

One fine day u came to look for me. Trying to be nice & talk to me. Say wanted to explain to me why u were with the girl.

I made up my mind.

U say she asked u to pretend her new bf to make his bf angry so that he will leave her alone. & she wanted u to be her prom nite partner too. Blah blah blah...

I made up my mind.

I walked away with one sentence. "think before u do, whatever u do has nothing got to do with me coz those are old sch ideas."

Your stupid smile gone & I left.

Then I saw sofi. I asked him if I can use his toilet to bathe.
(amazingly I still remember I need to bathe. -__-|||| )

But ended up I got chase away. He scolded me with some stupid word. I can't remember what but I hate him for not letting bathe.

(loud my head off)

While I was walking & thinking where I can bathe, I saw Bobby. He about to lock his door & go out.

I beg him for letting me to use his toilet. I need to bathe. I shouted very loud from opposite side. Surprisingly I don't knw what is 'malu'.

While waiting for him to reply if I can use his toilet, I woke up.

-lovelyisfine-


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Love begins with a smile :)

It is raining

When was the last time..

Such a long time.. 

When I was a kid, I love to spend long time in the bathroom.
With a small stool and a pen knife. Funny, it was not towel or clothes.

I would sat on the floor and slice the bathing soap on my little stool.
I would think what soap made of. How can I do this everyday without scoldings.
I engrossed in the cutting process while doing my kiddy thinking.

When was the last time I did that... 22yrs ago.

I am a high ego crappy girl. I knew.
And I like to try new things. Fight with boys or play rough.

I fought with neighbor and scolded aunties for being rude.
My carelessness caused someone injured and I ran away don't care.
My bad but i have never regretted.

The only few things I regretted can count. 1... 2... 3...

When was the last time I feel regretted of my wrong choice? Last year.

While I was bathing just now.
I started to splash water around and sing together with the dancing water.

oh la la~

I ask myself when was the last time I think about you. 30mins ago.
I ask myself when should I leave here and go home. 30mins ago.
I ask myself if I never come back here, where would I be. 30mins ago.
I ask myself how can I more happy and crappy. 30mins ago.
I ask myself how can people stop saying I don't have reputation. 30mins ago.
I ask myself when can I get a stable job and be happy. 30mins ago.
I ask myself if new boss or colleagues will say: You look very quiet. 30mins ago.
I ask myself about you..
And I sing..

Boy it's been all this time,
and I can't get you off my mind,
and nobody knows it but me.
I stare at your photograph,
still sleep in the shirt you left,
and nobody knows it but me.
Everyday I wipe my tears away,
so many nights I've prayed for you to say.

I should have been chasing you,
I should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
I could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we'd ever need.

My friends think I'm moving on,
but the truth is I'm not that strong and nobody knows it but me.
I've kept all the words you said,
in a box underneath my bed,
and nobody knows it but me.

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow,
but the truth is I've been screaming out.

I should have been chasing you,
I should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
I could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we'd ever need.

It was all we'd ever need.
Oh, I thought it was all we'd ever need.

I should have been chasing you,
You should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
Oh, you should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
You could have made me believe,
that what we had girl,
Oh, that what we had
What we had

It Was all we'd ever need

~Singovely~

Passes By

Those gone but still sweet.

Today went to Paya Lebar to post office.
Passed by the place I used to sit.
Passed by the place I used to wait for you.
It was drizzling.
Same like those time I waited from no rain to sunny. Sunny to rain.

I still remember I was playing NDS.
The zoo puzzle game. The card game.
The tamakochi. The koi-koi.

Those were boring but fun stuffs.

Time to revive and improve.
I know you are not happy that I didn't tell you what's wrong.
Think about it.
After next weekend if the things still there, then I will tell you.
But if you sit on it till your deadline, god bless you!
Patay! - Taigalog language dead!

If this thing happen on me, you will still do the same.
Maybe my treatment will be worse.
Anyway, I do not want to tell you this : Don't do don't do! Nvm. Let's get over it.
If I ever say that, you know what will be the outcome.

Don't want me to take things for granted.
I am always on my alert position.
But what about you?
Do I need to tell you what you need to do?
When I did, what did you say in return? Did you deliver?
I was glad that you offer. But nothing happen after that.

Action speaks louder. Let's do it when you feel like it.
It is important to me but I know you need rest and time for yourself.

No forcing. You have time.
From tomorrow onwards *hopefully*
we can watch show and have more fun.
Hope this week and next you will have time to rest to recover and recharge.

*jealous*

Nite.

~Jealousovely~

Student

Can't imagine.

Imagine you call yourself a student when you are 35.
Imagine you are the most mature one in the class.
Imagine they wear casual and you wear formal.
Imagine they energetic while you are yawning non-stop.

*Hilarious*

Imagine you score the highest mark in the class.
Just because you have more experience.
Imagine you laugh at the questions they ask.
Just because you are more mature.
Imagine you yawn in the class non-stop.
Just because you wanna go home sleep coz tomorrow working.

*Funny*

What makes me think about being a student?
or what inspired me to write this.

Tah dah!!!

Went to Paya Lebar post office today and saw Lion city building.
The TT shop is there, reminds me I need to send money home.
Best thing is, I don't really have much to send.
This month has one extra thing to pay - Income Tax.
My hair cut. Rental fee. Phone bill.

And happened to hear from Law that he is interested to learn chinese.
I wanna do part time to earn extra money.
If he is interested, I will teach him chinese every Sunday from 10am -12pm.
Let's hope. I need money! one month $80 enuf for my transport.

Should be fun rite?

~Teacherovely~