A happy day!
Hubby to see me! woohoo! *opps..sorry im too thick face to call him my hubby, which he is not yet. but i edi treat him like one since long ago.*
Anyway, I cried last nite when he called me. Cried becoz...shhh..... my nose bleed..and my head was super pain until my tears started flowing aft awhile. A moment later i noticed my tissue was in red. Then i started to panic, thought what went wrong.
Well, if i dont tell, no one will know. So no one will worry about me. Therefore, no one will scold me or ask me to take good care of myself and one lesser thing to worry about in life. Thats what hubby says.
Today Adrian and Darlene was talking about diamond ring and some topic. Then out of a sudden adrian was asking if im engaged, my fb put that status. then i was like erm... not sure leh..Like im the only one thk im engaged.(Malu). Then i text hubby to ask if I can put in our pic as profile pic. But he needs to check first. Anyway, Adrian is a married man who doesnt look like his age. The main thing is, can we have open r/s in fb? i didnt even dare to put up anything in your fb. I scared hubby get angry.
Well, hubby came last nite and we talk and hug and kiss. Finaly after (2 days before 1 month) so long. And my mom worried about me staying at my aunt's place. Every single little thing she worried coz my uncle's incident. Since after he passed away, everyone at home got traumatized. If she cant get me, she will paranoid and worried the whole day.
Not only work, family and hubby..everything just make me tense up.. This is why my migraine is back. Hubby continues to punish me, he sounded like dont wan me to tell ppl ard abt us. I am not sure but i know i nv want an imaginary hubby/bf. i just want to know why and what's in his mind. I dont want to make him abgry again. i have low self confidence and i have to deal with my own fear and yet i have to juggle all the problems i have. God! please help!
I have learnt my mistake, i know whats the prob and i know how to deal with it. but fact is, he is not willing to open up. everyone thinks we are no more together, his colleague is his new gf. Then wat about me still calling him hubby and treating him like one? *sob sob* Really no idea what to do next.
i do not how far they have been. how often they talk and how frequent they texting each other. All i know is, i have limited space to play with. I am afraid to know the fact they are together, which he insisted they are just close friend. Well, i trust him for whatever he says, coz r/s is all about trust. Notice everytime i send him msg, he say will cal me but ended nothing. I msg him and tell him our prob, try to make a step closer, but cant seems to work out well. Sign..when will all these end and when can we have a better life?
Moving forward, i slept very well last nite. It did help! Yes! YES! YES!!! but how long can that last? None knows. I sincerely hope we can go bek to the very first year and i wish i could turn back the time and i could change the whole situation.
He is having prob with his career, i hope to help. I respect and stand by him for whatever decision he has made. He wants to buy car, i will save. So that incase he didnt get his salary, we will still have savings.
I have booked next year trips, planning for diving courses in April-May. Shall start my lesson soon in Feb aft CNY. Then will go mid year holiday for either diving or sightseeing. then year end will be our honeymoon holiday. A 21days open ticket to 5-6 places. WOW! Sounded so nice! Oh Well, all cancelled.
NVM, all i want is patch back the r/s and make sure everything is well done agn then will proceed for the holiday planning. Feb I will be going bek home for CNY, i m hoping he can come with me. Coz i hope to show him what is his stand and his priority.
Am not sure if he will come...
Anyway, time to go to bed. Tomoro will have another long day to go. Averagely 3 meetings aday and friday will be out company xmas party. Hope someone can arrange to send me home if happen i drink. And sat morning will go for swim again.... Hope my migraine better soon.
All the best and hope he will be more open to share...
*love you hubby, no matter what. *
