I call it love

What makes a relationship last is not all about the love..













It is about you being about to continue the - hahahahahaha (laugh).


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Love begins with a smile :)

Location:Random

Saturday breezy morning

Bright cooling morning.
Can't sleep much.
Think this is call - Jian huo.

Something bothering me.
About the offer that sudden raised.
Wat should I do?
Move away & learn something different
Or
Stay where I am now.

Miserable.


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Location:In the room

Appraisal 2010

I think it is time to do review for the past year performance.
Time flies fast & things changed too.
But if u don't feel anything, definitely there's something wrong.

Let's talk about what changed me. What I have learned & new vision.
2010.. A year after the sad depressing's year.
I picked up myself after 3 months & it was tough. I took longer than I thought I could.
2010.. We patched back & things move. Impressive & happy. But happy time can never last long. Another disaster raised. People often say, move on. Let by gone be by gone. Yeah rite! Easy said than done!

US, getting better. But ...
You think this is what you want? How sure?

What I hate:
By covering one side of your eye & one side of your ear to keep you moving.
I think you can get someone better, you agreed you have that power.
I would say, I'm not you. I don't have that ability & talent.

After all these unhappy things happened, do you think we learn our lesson & handle things better? Yes no?

What i love:
Yes, we know we still love each other. We are willing to accommodate and give way. We know each other better. We get closer to each other coz we used to the companionship.

Missing item:
we lack of trust or rather I, me & myself. You shout at me will only draw me away, so stop screaming at me. You are a smart boy so you know how to solve prob in a smarter idea.

I hope trust can be grown like a plant by putting soil & watering each day. Just my imagination.

You have been good, very good so far but you may not see how much i appreciate that. I have been trying my best to grow the trust while you are trying to wash it away.. Are you trying to tell me something? I don't know how much you trust me, let's just be true to yourself. We are doing appraisal here.

What I think we should have:
Being a couple potentially to be husband & wife (not super sure*) should be open to each other.

Say, you know all my password. You have my bank card. You know where I go & you are the first one to know about things.

What we need to know differentiation to make life beautiful:
Selfish or privacy?
Open or too much?
Obligated or offerings?

Let me elaborate.. I will give each 2 examples.

- Selfish or privacy = trustworthy.
Eg: I remb I told you once, you sounded different when you have your friend/s ard especially he/she/they in your car or close to you.
Fine if you tell me you fetching someone or with someone, I will drop the call automatically. But instead, you give 101 excuses to get rid of me & trying to make me belief in your excuses. I have feeling & I can tell. Look at the part record you have (email,sms,calls etc etc) incase you said i accuse u. Disappointment deducts point.
Eg: You can always go out with your friends even when I'm around. I can entertain myself. You can always tell me you have plans instead of doing it behind me especially I'm away or out of town.

- Open or too much = X lying (trustworthy)
this will make me know you better.
If you think by giving you all my password or share with you all my secrets will make you know me more, ok, I will definitely do it without thinking twice. But pls voice out, if you think you only want to know mine but keep yours to yourself.
Eg: you tell me you have deleted, blocked someone that I don't wish to see. But the truth was wrong.
Eg: you tell me you never smoke but toilet has always got cig left over behind. I trust your word but until one day neighbor said someone always throw cig butt down & dirty their clothes. I clueless but believe in you.

- Obligated or offerings = open + trust
This is to help me manage, give us better life.
Money, since the first day until now has been a big question mark. It may not be you but me, myself & I.
Eg: I asked if I should give the money to my cousin instead of asking him to pay bek what he owed. You said, give after you have taken back else he will come back again to borrow from you. But what about you?
Eg: don't worry & I'm not eye'g on your savings, money or anything expensive. If you want to have another account which only you know, go ahead. Don't have to be worried that one day I will withdraw all your money & run away. This is crazy!
You can have/withdraw from other bank acct & don't have to hide. ok?

Being a girlfriend can only do (...........) this much, & being a wife can do (.................) that much. Being a normal friend can do (...) this much.

So your choice, be open or too much or obligated or selfish.
or .....

What I have learned are: (I'm not monkey see monkey do but u are a good teacher for certain things)
- gentle (not wonder girls like you)
- protective (previously was more)
- smart (but sometimes over estimate, faintzzz)
- gentleman (for show or real, that is appreciative)

What I want to improve:
Other than the above, love-making.
Not gonna say more coz I don't want to sound like I'm begging for it.

This is 2011, I wanna start planning ahead. I'm getting one year older, one more wrinkle area, another year to spend with you & one year closer to heaven. Omg!

Think, before you answer me.
All the best in 2011. (100% = trust + understanding + no lies + open with no selfishness + love)

:) the real lovely.



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Love begins with a smile :)

Love begins with a smile :)

Love begins with a smile :)

Location:On the bed

Waking up headache

Waking up from a windy morning with a bad dream.

If I were to record down all my dreams, I could easily pick a few for short film competition.

Some were drama, some kinky, some just ordinary, some 3lines, some cold sweat drop & some 米田共.

This morning dream was (thank god) a short one, else it would easily kill my whole Tuesday.

Wonder if I'm like law's wife. The woman who born with green eyes. But I'm not. Simply because I can't afford.

I think more like low self esteem.

I find this is the toughest r/s I ever had. Maybe bcos I am too afraid to get hurt again. I'm not really sure.

I should be calm & chill out as much as I can. Instead of making myself so tension & kan cheong. But, this is not good for the you..

Oh well, I still don't know & wonder what, who, how u suspect me to have someone else. Coz I'm just monkey see monkey do.. This is what & how you react then now I just mirror it..

Ahhh!! My head hurts.. I am standing right under the air con to try to get my head to cool down.

Another long day to go.. What a Tue morning to start with bad dream.. Hate waking up from bad dream..hate it!!

I hope I wake up from
Wheel of fortune













With few $20k for a fresh start..
Muhahahahaha!!


•bigheadovely•


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Opposite attraction

Boy + Girl
Man + Woman

God created Adam first & Eve later as his partner. This is well-known to everyone.

In a r/s often one to be the 'man', decisive, strong, family oriental, thoughtful & lead the family. In short, Director.

While the other one would be the 'woman', soft, gentle, loving, home driven (not housework, coz category vary), home-maker aka tai-tai mindset, thoughtful & always the husband & family comes first. [as if she has a choice.;)]

I have dual character or split character. I want to be woman but afraid I will loose the man-ness power in me. I want to be a man but somehow I still love being pampered. Fan right? Hmmph!

Last nite the copywriter SMS me about some changes. Happen my phone ring in front of you & I just told you something simple - changes done. But you were very pissed, say what changes la..!!

I wonder what happen & you got to raise up your voice. Normal day when I told u things like this you wouldn't ask so details unless I too ji dong to bitch about it. I wonder what happen. Am sure you wld tell me say I say half & stop.

But I was reading it & how to explain to you so fast?

Or you suspect me? Again?

You told me stop being paranoid. Ya..I thought you would have call me that like last year.

Now my private diary - notes gone. No where for me to bitch & say what upsets me. I suddenly lost.

If I am paranoid, you will be ignorant. Remember you said opposite attraction?

You ask me to make you at ease but now you are turning the other way to repeat. Just like the CEL property text: Relax. Chill. Repeat. But ours is:
Worry. Kan Cheong. Repeat.

Anyway, I was thinking about what you said. We together so long but never say much money. Good! It slapped me hard when you say that. Your ex company never pay you & we suffer badly. How to save?

Oh well, next year resolution- save bloody hell hard hard!

No try. No see. No ok. No delay.

Then I wld say.....

Nolovely~

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Love your ride

I'm dead late today..
I didn't realize it's raining outside until you called..

Day 2 mission..
Wonder when I am gonna give up. I am such a moody..

Day 2
If being hugged can really thin down, I'm gonna miss them badly..

Day 2
To full last nite until today no mood to eat.. God is telling me something.. Gain weight not expand my stomach. How ar?

Day 2
Thinking of wat to have tomorrow that can gain weight without having expanding my stomach. Health-ly gain weight..

Day 3 is coming.. How ar?

Fatovely~

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R for Robster

My one day pet - Robster.

We got him from an extraordinary place.

Dark, quiet, bumpy place..
Yes..under the sea is dark if no sun. Quiet only water sound. (feel like pee'g now)
Bumpy becoz of the wave & rocks. Maybe some naughty fishes & seaweeds around to disturb once awhile.

Born in an average size family. Small & petit. But fit for walk & entertainment.

Cute & healthy. Can survive on dry land & wet mud. Naughty & tough. Totally can compete with me, I mean the strength & muscle.

I walk him twice the night. We laughs coz he was too cute to be shown-off.

Yes! Everyone loves Robster!
He is totally a rock star for the night! On 10 10 10... God gives him to us with a big smile on our face.... :)

Robster rocks!


He is still a growing boy.



He is rough outside but soft in our stomach. A fun pet to have.



He is a good boy! & I am a robsterwoman!!!

Lovely, actually. *:@*

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Time to say Good Morning

Breakky - Yummy~

Time to go to bed or snack?
Grr! How arr?
Which one to do first?

Hmm... think I should go to bed.
sleeping too late will cause me lots of prob..
Acne, dark circle, water retention...watever crap...

Okay! I shall sleep and prepare for the last day of the long weekend.
Time flies! Super fast!

*Yawn*
Kids are calling me..
Marrrrrrrrrrrrmeeeeeeee!
*Smooch*

Good Nite world!

~Sleepovely~

Eraser & Pencil

Eraser is pencil's good friend.
Brain and mind is twins.

You said you feel uneasy when I am not around.
I laugh.
I am at home. Not doing anything behind you.
Guess we really need to do something.

The only moment I feel so different after god-knows-when
It was during the moment after we played and I push you to bathe.
And the moment I choked when we were watching scooby doo. 
Finally we share the same laughter.
After so long...

Suddenly don't know how to laugh..

I somehow don't know how to talk to you.
I know we are trying our best to make each other feel better.
Lower down the fighting chances and move on.
But I think somehow we both feel something, something not right.

We don't mention. We avoid. We skip.
Problem will still be around. It makes you and me see our future better.

Please enjoy your outing with friends.
Thanks for inviting me over but I don't think I will join.
Not now, not near future.
Playing poker @ raj's place is forever a no-no thing for me.

Yes. It is my prob. I will deal with that. Go on with your plan.
I don't want to do what you used to do to me.
Coz this is another no-end action.

Do what you feel like doing.
Enjoy what you do.
Always!

~Lovely~

Hari raya holiday

Green green green!

Hari raya color is green.
& I am green too.

You came home & told me I can go out with my friends if I want instead of me staying home & wait for you to wake up.

I have made some plans.
I'm not sure If you like it. Or rather you will start worrying again.

I don't knw. Suddenly run out of words to say.

This either to be good or real bad. Make up your mind & tell me what you want. Coz I don't wan to have fight anymore.

Small little thgs, fight.
Big thgs, fight.
Like other than sleeping, everything else fight.

Eventually, v both need time to heal.

I'm going for my facial at 12:30pm & go buy toiletries stuff.

Then 5:30pm go for my pedi.






You can rest at home or come find me. I'm all good & happy.

But if you have plan, go enjoy.
Coz these are all my last min plan.

Selamat hari raya to you!

~rayavely~


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Love begins with a smile :)

Thursday Nite

Something different

I am still awake.
I am surprise.

You went out for fishing.
I ask you if you want me to come, and you say no.
Coz drizzling on and off.
Was that the main reason?

I was just thinking if you have someone else there so you ask me not to go.

U said u gonna be home early.
But rather u blame me for not going over which I did offer.
I know you worried about the rain but who cares?
Atleast I was there & I made it there & no one will blame me for not joining.

Most ridiculous thing was u blame me for making u wait till your phone batt ran dry.

Oh well, I don't know.
I think this is too much.

Even the photos you took.
Like you take photo with another girl.
Though the photo was blurred. But somehow,...
I think I begin to have phobia.

Oh well, I think we seriously need to think about our r/s.
Time for evaluation.
Time to do WIP and plan the next step.
Remember: Thinking ahead is a beautiful thing.

I am not sure why am I still awake.
All I know is I am tired and I need a breathing space.
Everything I do, everywhere I go, I worried.
I worried you will keep calling and checking.
Like I did/gonna do something wrong again...
I worried you suspect me again and track me where.
Like I did/gonna do something wrong again...
The main, rather, I worried I get cheated again.

The moment you gave excuses to check my phone, I know you were reading my SMSes.
Try every possibility to find evidence.
I feel like slapping you hard.
You are just being no manners.

But I know you want to be at ease.
Therefore I let you.
And that's my promise to you as well.

I don't know how long you gonna do that.
But I know this is pressuring.
Also annoying.

If I ever see that again, I will call it off.
I hope you get what I mean.

Key word for R/S is T.R.U.S.T.
without this, we will go no where.

I have nothing to hide. But if you insist, then I think I will just take it as you have some bad news for me.
I will live with that.

The small things are slowly eating into me.
I think we started to feel 'patientless' with each other.
I think it is time to re-consider and think thoroughly why are we here and what are we doing.
And what's the next step.

~dreamovely~

Love begins with a smile :)

A quiet day with lots of smoke

Last day of ghost festival
I'm smelling second hand smoke along the street.

My throat feels dry & itchy.
But enjoying the festive mood.
Once a year, the most scary month of the year. Thrilling & chilling month.

Suddenly feel tired.wonder how the ghosts feel now. Are they all full or they flying around or walking around or trying to scare ppl.

I'm tired. I feel like flying around too. I need a long quiet break. To find my soul like how the ghost did.

Scary when you watch the ghost movie but fun to try..

Touch wood*

Time to go home.

~ghostovely~

@ the Airport - KLIA

Red patch Blue-Black

OUCHHHHH!!!....
I didn;t know until I feel pain.
Ouch ouch ouccccch!!!

It is right at the nerve.
*heat ache*

Alrite.. Soon to board..
Bye Bye KL. See you Singapore.
Bye Mom. Bye Dad. Bye Sis. Bye Bro. Bye Over-like Home.

Walking till my leg tired and hungry.
Had a piece of brownie and now feeling more awake now.
Alrite.. Shalom! Going in the departure gate now.

See you singapore. Muacks KL!

*Joyely*

Last nite

Funnily Wednesday 9.

I was waiting.
You didn't reply.
I don't know why.
And you didn't reply until late nite.

I fell asleep.
With my phone in my hand.
The phone rang.
I quickly pick up so I won't disturb my mom.

I heard u say, u cant hear me.
I heard u say, go sleep.
I heard u say, u lying on bed playing games.
I heard u say, u will work late.

I heard.
but.
U didnt hear what I say.

hahaha, I laughed.

I asked if you don't want to talk to me.
and you said, I can't hear you clearly. How to answer u?

hahaha, I laughed again.

I feel so silly. but I smile when I say good bye.
Put down the phone and continue my sleeping journey.

I woke up in the morning.
On the wifi and send u what's app msg.
But you didnt reply.

Then get your sms, u say u going to fetch your freelance colleague.
I wonder if you are trying to revenge.
Send u msg and u nv reply.

Wonder u angry and u trying to revenge.
coz u say u will treat me like how i treat u.
don't call or sms see when I will miss u.
I nv say cannot call or sms.
Just that not continuously sms or call.
People might think u r control freak and u keep checking on me like father & daughter.

It is not that I am not helping.
If you continue to suspect things then it will be super hard for me to proceed.
Think clearly. Think twice.
If you need a break to think through it, let me know.
Let's talk when we meet.

*Miserovely*

Wednesday 25th Aug

Phew*

Thank God we are home safely.
Look at the news, everything about Indonesia.
Fishermen, travel, etc.

Philippine, travel, bus, etc.
This is scary!

Everything about under table. Corruption.. Scary scary scary too scary!
Tomorrow I will be home.
I took the letter. Before I go ubi, I have to think twice if I should convert my license.
Tell me.

What should I do.

Pro and cons that I know.
1. To keep
- Singapore license no expiry date. I am not sure if it is link to my PR.
- Singapore license can drive in M'sia too. :)

2. Not to keep
- Worry if the police see SG license, they will ask for under table.
- What if one day M'sia change their rules?
- M'sia license has validity. Need renewal fee.

How arr?

More work to do before conversion.

*Lovely*

6 days away

The 1st day-
Feeling fresh & thk this is somethg diff. I don't need to worry about anythg @ work but end month. I feel cheated before the day I left home to KL.*

The 2nd day-
Finally take off & start my holiday. You don't trust me or still insist I'm hiding* I can't do anything to make you trust me & yet you need to act to get attention from me, I feel useless. But im glad.coz this is not the first time & won't be the last time u wld do that.

The 3rd day-
You say u miss me but I scolded u for wasting phn bill. I knw I am not being sincere or supportive. But thk'g abt the months when u were away I was the one keep pestering & got cold water in return.I feel like an idiot back then. I seriously thk I give u too much freedom while u need me to respond even when I'm away so far, phn call charges so high.

The 4th day-
I am home. I miss ppl in SG. I miss my colleagues. I knw they miss me too. I feel blessed! What about the kids & u? Suddenly I don't knw how to talk to u.start from where & talk about what. Too many things too short the time. I feel the stress & burden. I worried I say wrong thgs to make u angry or suspect again. While I am just trying to share with u my thought my day & what I have been thru this few days. You stressed me.

The 5th day-
Wake up early than usual working day. Can't really slp coz was thk'g about u what u said last nite. Feeling stressful again coz don't knw how to make u at ease & be gentle. I'm sometimes like a man, don't knw what is soft. Ya. Chor lor loh! Well, when I try to be a small girl, u push me say too much & I take thgs for granted.* I woke up & take care of everything u say I am not supportive. Ya. U wld say "you dont knw how to balance it!"

I am like a man, so rough. Imagine who wld love a man? U are thk'g too much.

The 6th day-
Going home! Hope argue no more. I tried my best to make myself at ease. I stood up for myself. While u need me to do somethg to make u feel better.* life is never fair. Life is ain't good. Life is never smooth to live. When u say numb, have u thought abt me? U were away for months & u said u look after me from afar. But do you knw what I have been thru back then? Where did I go & which fren/s I hang out with? What time I went home & how's my life? What about after we got back & I found those photos? I didn't say much & I heal myself. Do u knw how painful? Ya.u wld say abt my Aussie fren, heard frm my other fren they live happily in Aussie now.

So I drop this topic & live new. U say not fair if I keep singing the same song.

Argue no more. Eraser is pencil best fren, let's start new chapter.

The 7th day-
No one knows

The 8th day-
Your mom's birthday outing.

The 9th day-
Another worrying day.

• bigheadlovely•

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Car license

Puasa month.

Malay is pig.
Yes they are.

Puasa month early morning eat, during working hour no energy.

What a lazy pig!

I settled my license. Rm10. The lady talk so slow & like kena torture for months. No energy, feel tired, pms & lazy.

I hate it.

Now I'm finally home. Can watch movie & go shop. Tomorrow going bek to SG. Long day. Long week.

Looking forward to the the first day in new company.

Stupid letter cost me RM10.



• tiredovely•

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Pedicure

Nice warm water soaking session.

I miss having spa. Maybe need one soon when my pocket a little fill up next month or after.

Watching this show while soaking my feet.

You asked if there's anythg wrong with us. I don't knw what but I only find one problem. You don't trust me.

You used to do all these to me.left me home alone. Wait for your call like no end. Don't knw when you would call but I will have to be in stand-by-mode.

I'm not into revenge. But just to tell you how I felt.

You can have fun outside & leaving me aside. But I can't. You will do all things to track me disturb me, say keep me accompany in a better way.

I don't understand why. Your mom keeps asking me to give u freedom. Don't check whatever u do or have. Ended up I give in everything. Every possible way I can. & get blame & say I'm guilty, I am wrong, I take thgs for granted.

Oh well, I thk we made a wrong move. We so used to stay together, even when we get back together, we quickly move in agn. I thk we shld enjoy longer being staying apart in 2 diff places.

Oh well, I'm not complaining. No one can turn back time.move forward & be better.

I try my best to improve. Be strong!

•lovemakeusstronger•


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This is not right

Weird.

Feeling not easy but don't know what's wrong. Unknown reason. Run out of word to describe.

Or immune.

This morning when I took my bath, I saw arches on the wall. Not the first time & won't be the last time. Sometimes on the floor sometimes near the drain side.

Tell me if neighbor drop it or the wind blow it in or what, I take it. The fact is you know the main reason. Up to you to tweak it in a more beautiful way.

Like I say, I won't count the cigarette u have in the box. U put a box in the drawer, but u can buy many boxes outside. So how does it make a diff?

Well, I hardly ask u abt your smoking habit. I think I give you enough freedom & time to adjust yourself. If you tell me you don't wan to quit, I will accept it.

I hate people lying to me. That's all!

Whatever you do, if you think it is right, go for it.


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No Internet

Today is a quiet day.

Sometimes I wish to have more quiet day. Sit by the bay or balcony to do what I like. But who cares about u?

Only your heart.

After one long nite of rushing, today I came in on time just to make sure the ppt good to go. But ended up sitting here (got ditched).

Life is always like this. Friends are for your own usage. Do you good = good fren. Never bring u benefit = stupid fren. You can't please everyone in your life. No one would give u the license of Special Privilege. Even your partner.

Maybe I ask too much. But afterall, I'm happy to have this gang of idiots colleagues. Though they are not as brilliant or award winning team but v are happy to work together.

I'm gonna miss them soon. Soon I will be replaced & they will be replaced. everyone is replaceable. As well gf & bf/ husband & wife.

But bottom line is, v gonna miss the moments v used to share together.

Forever friends. Sicko colleagues.

•Lovely•


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Love begins with a smile :)