Feel it inside out!!!
Wow! Wow! wow wow! wow wow wow!
I can feel the arms again! This is real and this feels so good! *Love*
This felt like the first day i met you and the very first time we went out together. *Eyes rolling* This feels so different and it feels like ant biting my skin. bitter, pain and sweet! *Amazed*
I was so nervous when i got down the bus and i thought I could just kisss you gently and stare at you awhile. But you were so *awfully* looking at me.. :S why arr? I know i am still who i am and im not any prettier. *sobbing* you scared me! you make me panic!
Oh well, wanted to hold your hand but not sure if you like it. And not sure if you let me to. Later if you swing away my hand, u might worry i cant take it. Or you might not want to spoil my mood. Well, just tell me if you are not ready. I know there are lotsa i wanted to do, but i will make it slow. Let's be more prepared next time and take things slowly. I believe one day you will be more open to me. *smile*
Well, i had a great time together hugging you and kissing you. I wish time can just pause for awhile. Erm..Time machine! *wink*....
Thanks for buying me snacks and I will try to put on weight. I think my extra wings are bigger than my boobs liao... Oppps .... *Shy*
Oh boy! i miss the old us. i miss the fun time we had before. I miss being who i am and now i cant. To be a better me, i have to take alot of things into consideration. I know you lack of faith, let me build that up. I will be more gentle and give you more TLC. I know I cant do anything to compensate the past, but im sure i can do something to change the future.
Again, i wont promise I will be perfect which i know i can't. No one is perfect thats why pencils have erasers. when ppl come to their comfort zone, they will start taking things for granted. Dont worry, you have my assurance. Of coz sometimes I slack, but i will remind myself constantly not to over board. U have my assurance! *keep my finger crossed tight tight*
These were the 2 most touching sms i ever had! I want to keep them everyday around me. I love them alot! They inspire me and they motivate me! Thank you dear for such sweet sms and gentle reminder. I know wat you are thinking and i hope with my promise and effort, things will turn out well very soon.
12:56am 20 Dec 2009
I'm on my way home now. I've been reading your blog everday. All i can say is i miss you i miss us i hate you i feel scared i dont know what to do i want to hug you i want to kiss you i still get irritated by you (sometimes) i feel lonely i wonder what you are doing all the time i do think about you.
I miss you too. I wonder if you are alone or bz or doing well or with someone else. i feel sad when my mind is free. i hate being alone and i feel so much lonesome in me. This is worse than the first 6 months when i first came to SG. I want to call you text you and spend more time with you. But I feel cold and the rejection was i-tolerance. I somehow feel like giving up few times. U perk me up whenever i feel like losing my heart. You just smart and you chose the right time to do the right things. Not like me, i always the wrong one.
1:18am 20 Dec 2009
I dont want to leave you out thats why but im scared. Past two years build up until i really dunno what to do. Now i finally feel loved again but i scared if you will change again. Part of me misses you alot wish you were here with me again but dont know how to open mouth. Another part is scared I have you close again if i will be irritated again I dont want to keep repeating like this that's why i say i feel lost.
I sometimes irritate you bcoz I over protective. I just dont want you to be so tired and stress-up. I still treat you like a kid. I have that sister love in me. I dont just treat you like my boy friend, hubby but bro, close friend, soul mate,everything that comes with life. I should just let you be more independent and give you more freedom. I be so concious becoz when a woman say no, in heart, actually a yes. So i abit paranoid by this. I am not sure if you are them. Want me to *hong* you few times then you will say the real thing. I dont mind at all. I jst want to know if what you say is what you mean in heart. Then i know what I can do to make everythg turn gold.
Anyway, I have a nice ending for 2009. What was past I cant change, but what is coming up, it's already in my mind. I cant say they are well-planned and fantastic, but if we can do it together, that will be amazingly fantabulous!! *love*
Looking forward to fulfill them!
*i love you & i stl want things to happen. I will be the leader to build up the foundation. Of coz i stll have my shy part. forgive me if i cant read u well. but i promise to try harder. much much harder. share with me how i can make it better, i wan to make u feel good.*
*Lovely*
